tired sad gay dad

i’m on that weird shit. i’m jacking odd. disturbating. creeping my meat

✿＼(｡-_-｡) “Kick his ass, baby.  I got yo flower.”

no one ever talks about gimli being not even slightly tempted by the ring. motherfucker had no hesitation just walked up with his axe and immediately tried to wreck it. obviously that didn’t work but like, the ring had zero visible effect on him. amazing… gold sickness in the line of durin WHOMST?? not in gimli son of gloin

He wasn’t going to let himself be embarrassed in front of all these fucking ELVES

dudes online used to spend 72 hours on photoshop uninterrupted editing people’s faces to look scary and we called the finished product some shit like jeff the killer and put him in spirit halloween and on wikipedia These days you open tumblr and top of dash is a 42 note edit of jerma’s face so fucked up looking that it could’ve been used to texture a corpse in a y2k valve game and you get a little nauseous and otherwise just keep scrolling. and this is known as “a tuesday

the trans male experience is being afraid that if you wash your hands in a public men's restroom you will be clocked

one time I went in the men's room at a bar, got clocked and told I needed to leave so later I walked up to that dude at a table with some chick and announced to her that He Doesn't Wash His Hands After Handling His Dick and walked away

you are quite literally braver than any U.S. marine

the other day a friend of a friend referred to "busting out of your abdomen like the alien from the Predator films" and I was completely caught off guard. like I guess that's - that's not wrong. the alien was. okay she was in the Predator films. well some of them. but like. she had her own. she's the alien from the Alien films. like. they have her name on them. he's not "King Kong from the Godzilla films"

It's fun being queer and weird and unconventional until you remember you live in a society

yesterday my uber driver told me he stopped wearing glasses and just decided his eyes were better and I was like man as the passenger in this elantra I would like you to keep more secrets from me

a trap song with the rapper growing increasingly concerned about all the gun sound effects in the music