tired sad gay dad

ok. director's cut: i always pictured this exchange taking place in a nice café. like a "latte is 8.65 but it's a good latte" kind of café. and you get little brass numbers for your order to put on the table. but anyways; i'm getting coffee with this cishet couple. like hetero jessica and jakey. and he's already a little unhappy; maybe he didn't get the big contract at work, maybe he thinks this place is too fancy, maybe he doesn't like that his fiancé dragged him out for coffee with "one of those people". the specifics aren't important. at some point he goes to the bathroom, curses at the open-neck dual-cartridge burnished nickel faucet those fancy cafés love to have that always splash you, so on & so forth. but when he gets back, his beautiful college sweetheart is sitting on the floor between my legs with a dopey smile on her face and just absolutely SMEARED in orange goop. my legs and thighs too. very short dress. nothing left to the imagination. and of course jakey is not having any of it; he's spitting and screaming and whining and bargaining and what have you, but the other café patrons just start getting annoyed at him. someone`s grandmother tells him to stop making such a ruckus.