tired sad gay dad

We just not going to talk about how he can also do pottery? With chocolate?

And stickers!

he HAS A not chocolate version of that god damned bowl right there! TAUNTING US, and holding the not pastries kiwis!

I remember one time I got INSANELY high off of edibles while playing Among Us, and it quickly became apparent to the other players online. I forget how honestly but literally anything "sus" I did was ignored by everyone because I was so fucking high. I tested this theory by standing in front of a body and the person that actually reported it didn't even mention me. The funniest part was when I was trying to do wires, I kept fucking up over and over again, so I was just standing in front of wires for actual minutes trying to figure it out. A small crowd of players gathered around me to watch and would get mad every time someone reported a body or emergency meeting because "she's never going to get her tasks done if you keep interrupting them." I don't think anyone cared about winning at that point, they just wanted to see the high crew mate succeed in her tasks.

THIS IS 1000% ACCURATE LMFAO. Thank you op

CEOs such a deeply unserious concept. Hi I'm the guy whose job it is to decide how much money everyone gets and I just so happened to decide I should get two squilliam dollars and you should get a penny and a half. I know I did a good job because math please don't double check.

did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning

did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it

did you know you can have no quesadilla if you do not cook it

Did you know the quesadillas are now gay

going to have to side with the men on this one. the iraq and afghanistan wars were pretty bad, in my opinion.

so they said that it turns out that if you centrifuge ricotta cheese at something like 20,000 RPM for a few minutes, you end up with a solid substance that's delicious but so rich that it feels like it solidifies your arteries instantly. they were working on incorporating it into pastry fillings

so they said that it turns out that if you centrifuge ricotta cheese at something like 20,000 RPM for a few minutes, you end up with a solid substance that's delicious but so rich that it feels like it solidifies your arteries instantly. they were working on incorporating it into pastry fillings

*Wriggling around on the lab floor* I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute. I’m so cute.

well-written women who narratively suck are like crack cocaine to me. hello shitty little woman do you need some crumbs of love that you've clearly never been given? lol

In elementary school, my best friend and I had this game we would play where we were school supplies living inside a child's desk and going on slice-of-life adventures inside it. And I remember that a key component of our school supply society was a sort of religious schism that existed around the purpose and nature of the giant hand that occasionally reached in to grab different citizens, use them, and then return them, because most school supplies considered this an auspicious and enviable moment of being selected for a greater purpose and allowed a glimpse of a vast truth, but pencils considered it a horrible portent of doom because they always got sharpened during it and came back smaller and closer to death. We were third graders btw.

Had a dream that Sabrina carpenter died and everyone was super sad about it but, unwilling to be upstaged, taylor swift flew her private jet directly into a block of apartments killing herself and hundreds of innocent people and everyone called it the gay 9/11