Woke Up Queer And Disabled Again

A reminder that this tumblr is not a safe place for any kind of bigotry.

You'll never be "too gay",

It's wheelchair day!

Slide two is meant to read as "but surely you must notice I crane my neck up to look you in the eye when we speak" but I don't think that's very clear so this is the clarification

Alt Text:

1) Pink background with the outline of a person in scribbly black, text over the figure reading "YOU KEEP SAYING YOU DONT SEE THE CHAIRS WE ARE IN"

2) Pink background with the outline of a person in scribbly black, text over the figure reading "BUT SURELY YOU MUST NOTICE I CRANE MY NECK IP TO LOOK YOU IN THE EYE WHEN WE SPEAK"

3) Pink background with the outline of a person in scribbly black, text over the figure reading "AND THE CALLOUSES ON MY HANDS FROM FRICTION BURN"

4) Pink background with the outline of a person in scribbly black, text over the figure reading "IF YOU DONT KEEP PRETENDING ITS NOT THERE"

for example: I did not let my hair get matted. I was not able to stop it from getting that way. I noticed every day that my hair was getting tangled and itchy and every day I was too tired to brush my hair.

even if on the outside it looks like I am letting it happen. I am not. I hate matted and itchy hair! I would not have it on purpose

this also go for a lot of other stuff:

I would not let myself go hungry; I just was too confused to cook. I would not let myself go without a bath for so long, I was too dysregulated to do it.

and also time when I was having demand avoidance I think that also count, I would do it if my body didn’t feel so on fire when I try to do something I want or need to.

while the work of envisioning society without police is worthwhile, it is not necessary that each of us have it at the tip of our tongues, it is easy enough to say "not this."

because, after all, the goal is not to, as individuals or some vanguard, have the answers, the goal is to solve these problems and build new societies as a society, collectively, we offer processes, not answers.

the answers, we'll figure them out together, for now, abolish the police, we are not safer for having an armed gang that enacts racist violence with impunity.

It’s almost always queer spaces that take “ambulatory wheelchair users exist!” to mean that a venue with a step (or even multiple steps) is wheelchair accessible because the wheelchair user can just get up while someone lifts their (small, manual) wheelchair up the step.

Or, even worse (like the “inclusive” salon my friend wanted to go to) they call a space with absolutely no wheelchair access “accessible” because they have fidget toys.

"Tutorial" on how to "draw" a blind OC.

My kofi

Boring tired disclaimer: Keep in mind that this is an introductory "drawing" "tutorial" and has some generalizations in it, so not every “X is Z” statement will be true for Actual People. Which happens to be true for everything in general. Links below so that you can research and do a nuance. Ones that were directly mentioned are bolded.

but when no nuance in these conversations it leaves ppl out.

bc not all of us have those ability

disabled ppl who need help make decisions, need help with understand n make consent

some disabled people who need these help not able know they need these help (what cause them need help make decision often can also cause hard time understand need help. it related n more often than people talk about)

disabled ppl who idea of someone else help w anything in any way be distressing n stress - sometimes we stubborn, sometimes we want be fiercely independent, sometimes when we already lose so many that we just want control over this one thing want believe we still have control over it. etc.

some disabled ppl who need these help resist these help, sometimes it be in genuine distress, in good faith, but other times it can not be in good faith. disabled ppl not perfect saints. (sometimes we just assholes)

these ppl still need help. we still need help. still deserve it.

all these not erase fact need help. sometimes in urgent need of help n support.

we still have right to get help n autonomy n dignity, n also to decide what we can n have say in decision process when we can.

things that apply to disabled ppl who can independently make decision apply to us too. but our situation often complicate how it look like in practice - to many, “right to decide” be complete opposite to “need help make decision”, “right to autonomy” can’t coexist with someone who not understand they need help n be resistant to it, or ppl who need other ppl help in general.

convo abt how to allow disabled ppl dignity n autonomy n right to decide so many time assume disabled person in question can independently make decision, know own ability n what can n cant do n can perfectly communicate them, know what need help in, can control behavior, want to cooperate, etc.

n convo about rest of us much more missing, n even if exist, exist mere to level of say, these people exist too. when we often need much more nuance n deliberation n care.

because of cognitive disability, intellectual disability, developmental disability, neurological disability, psychiatric disability, or others

we make big part of disabled population but even if we not, we still exist n deserve be recognized n included n talked about n supported.

[transcript: “#Yeah that makes sense #It seems strange to me for someone to consider 'right to decide' and 'needs help to make a decision' to be opposites #There's lots of examples of complex things people who live independently do need help with deciding to consent to! #Medical procedures (your choices are explained by doctors) #Signing contracts (You can get your options clarified by lawyers- and it bites people in the ass when they often Don't!!) #other stuff that i'm forgetting. #Things like consent in relationships are frankly also really complex #Hopefully these tags make sense- I was distracted while writing them.” end transcript]

1)

it interesting u bring these examples bc yes! absolutely! but it also remind me of wider independence vs dependence convo of

technically all people not be 100% independent in strictest most literal sense, even nondisabled ppl who be labeled independent - food they buy from grocery store rely on others as staff, producer, grower, sometimes scientist n researcher, etc. it v interesting point bring up when try challenge ableist idea of independence vs dependence n see people brain spin

but same time, these way of “depend on others” be made v invisible n normalized in majority society nowadays, n when disabled ppl be labeled as n judged as dependent (as neutral fact or as like criticism) it often mean form of dependence others not consider normal, n be treated as different given different values n hierarchy even if “technically” all dependent in some way shape form - functionally, way we use “independence” in society v much exclude normalized dependence / “typical way everyone need help”

so your examples be v much same territory for me - “yes! but also importantly different”

2)

rarely do ppl actually literally explicitly say they think “right to decide” & “need help make decision” be opposites, or at least not coexist, but it show up in more subtle ways in what ppl do n say when know what to look for

most ppl not realize it what they implying or even what they underlying believe, n if u directly ask them if they believe these ^ be opposites would absolutely say no

for example very subtle one - one my posts that got rly popular actually be (…close enough) example of this, where talk abt when disabled ppl ask for help explain things please do actually explain for us without decide it not important enough to explain or just tell us conclusion you reached without explain information we ask for help explain on that help us make own decisions

most ppl who do this may not actually explicitly believe ppl who need help make decisions not have right to decide (need help explain info to us so we can make our own decision be one form of need help), but if trace deep enough this idea either be implied, or be the effect of their (the helper’s) decision

I just got off the phone with the most smug sounding prick on a mental health line who just straight up asked me “wait if you can’t even roll over independently how do you self harm?” In exactly the same tone people use to ask how I use the toilet or have sex or do anything other than sit sadly looking out the window.

Not as bad as the professionals who talk about assisted dying laws or the guy that I need to change my expectations away from “I don’t want to be suicidal” because my physical disability means my life is never going to be worth living.

not make u magically immune to racism

stg proofread nextime lmao

(n by “that” n “racist statement” mean idea that autism “sensitivity justice” make white ppl immune to racism)

but while we recognise the parasocial nature of getting overly attached to strangers online , i'm not sure people realise this is what happens on a regular basis towards visibly disabled people in their real lives. being easier to spot in a crowd makes people notice you more often and remember you more strongly. people also mistake the information of "this person has a disability" as intimate shared information. perhaps they recognise it as the vulnerable information that it is. and so visibly disabled people are often treated by neighbours or distant acquaintances or strangers as someone they know. maybe even someone they're entitled to talk to familiarly or ask about.

in actuality they don't know anything private about this random disabled person. i bet most people, abled or disabled would be unable to tell the disabilities someone has just by looking at their visual symptoms. neither did they really notice the disabled person or learn anything about them that they would usually strive to learn about someone they're getting to know. you don't know what that visibly disabled person likes or dislikes, believes in, advocates for, spends their time doing.

visibly disabled people know it wasn't any aspect of their personhood that stuck in the mind of some stranger, but rather understand that they are being seen as a human shaped disability. and visibly disabled people haven't made any decision to confide in strangers, just like you don't "share" the information that you can walk on two legs, or have four limbs, or no scars, or the ability to speak and hear by existing in public, disabled people aren't "sharing" their scars or limb difference or anything else by existing in public.

when someone tags your post "#unreality" and you screenshot the tags and say "what are you talking about? this is real" because you consider the post easy to discern as not real and find this joke funny you're actually just causing paranoia for people who now feel like they can't trust the unreality tag. not everyone has the same reality discernment skills as you. what's "obviously" a fictional story to you may not be obvious to other people.