flower crown crip

I have multiple conditions resulting in severe disability. I’m a full-time powerchair user and transfer using a hoist. I need 24/7 care to keep me alive.

Typing using a phone or keyboard it's difficult for me so I use dictation software a lot. This can lead to some weird typos, please be patient and kind.

If you need anything I say to be clarified or put in simple words, just ask and I'm very happy to do that for you.

I try and add image descriptions to everything I re-blog, but this is harder using dictation software so please bear with me. All images I post are described.

I’m not comfortable around disability fetish blogs –especially the people stealing random disabled people’s photos to post to porn blogs. If I see you, I will block you

Header image description: a digital painting of a swallow in flight

Profile image description: a digital drawing of Echo, a white person with green glasses and long brown hair and a beard sitting in a green electric wheelchair with a four point chest harness.

At what point does someone count as disabled? How difficult does something need to be, or how painful or distressing does something need to be, before it counts as a disability? Does a given action need to be 100% physically impossible 100% of the time, and if not then that person is just lazy and deserves to be expected to power through it? (I am the person who is frequently being expected to power through things, which is why I'm asking.)

In addition, there are things like, say, lifting extremely heavy weights, that almost nobody on the planet can do. What proportion of the population needs to be capable of doing something before not being capable of doing it counts as a disability?

Bottom line is I'm struggling a lot and I have frequently been on the verge of suicide at the prospect of doing several different things, a few of which I have actually succeeded in doing at the expense of extreme physical pain and/or mental distress, and I don't know if I have the right to consider myself disabled or not.

Hi Anon, I’m sorry you’re struggling so much at the moment.

I’m not the definitive judge to who is disabled or not, I’m just someone who can’t walk, but I’d definitely consider you disabled if you’re struggling with everyday tasks to the point of being suicidal. Regular suicidal ideation on its own is also a disability.

I'm also wondering if you, or people around you, might be able to help me out with something else: I've been really struggling to find any remotely accessible packers + harnesses. Everything that I've seen is meant to look right when standing but not sitting or is a full body workout to get on. Any resources?

(I'm so sorry to bother you through asks… I wish I had a better option and am so so grateful for people as brave as you)

Hi again, don’t worry about sending me asks, it’s completely okay :-)

I’m afraid I don’t have much information to give around packers, it’s not something I’ve ever really used aside from the old classic of safety pinning some carefully folded socks into my boxers when I started transitioning which worked well enough for me and I didn’t feel the need to try anything more realistic.

I find now that people don’t tend to notice my crotch much since I’ve been on T a while and it doesn’t seem to impact how people gender me now I’m less androgynous visually so it’s not something I do any more.

And I’m afraid I don’t know anything at all about harnesses.

(asking on anon cos Nervous... anyway)

trigger warning for disability related parental abuse (maybe). if it's at all triggering, dw and don't read, i don't need an immediate reply /gen 🫶

so my parents don't let me use mobility aids. it was me versus the doctors that said it would decondition me, and instead of believing their kid who's in daily pain, they believed the doctors. one of them repeatedly tries to push me to do stuff i say i can't do (or stuff i Technically Can do but it would hurt a lot and tire me out) and they're like "oh everyone gets a bit tired :)" and meanwhile i am struggling through a levels rn.... .. the other also tried to get me on a bunch of health supplements and pressures me to take painkillers when i don't know it i want to

this is a weird question and you are in no way obligated to answer, but does this count as abuse? like. literally speaking. i'm so sorry for asking this, i just dk who else to go to 💔/lh (i am safe and planning to leave soon dw, i will be fine)

Hi, I’m glad you’re safe even with all of this going on top of exams.

I’m afraid the short answer is that I can’t tell enough about the situation to answer your question about whether it’s abuse or not.

I really recommend reaching out to a safe adult with safeguarding training (like an adult working at school, a youth worker, therapist or medical professional) or calling somewhere like childline (in the UK) and talking it through with them if you can. It sounds like it might be a very complex situation, and regardless of if it’s abuse or not it sounds like a lot to deal with.

I will say that in my experience working with safeguarding concerns including abuse, I think if you went to social services in my area with exactly what’s written here and no other details they would be unlikely to view it as abuse and would see it as your parents trying to support you with something they don’t understand by following advice from your doctors about avoiding something that could cause you harm. That view might change depending on other factors like what it is causing you to feeling pressured, what happens if you don’t do what they want, and whether the supplements are fairly harmless things like multivitamins or something more harmful.

If a parent is saying “you need to take animal dewormer for your chronic illness or I won’t let you leave the house and see your friends” that will be viewed very differently to a parent saying “are you sure you don’t want to take some ibuprofen if you’re in pain?” for the millionth time that day. And a parent who responds to you saying you can’t do something they’ve asked you to do by shouting, swearing and slamming doors will be seen differently to a parent who is quietly disappointed but grudgingly accepts your answer. And there’s obviously a wide spectrum in between.

That doesn’t mean that what’s happening isn’t harming you, and it doesn’t change what language you’re allowed to use about it (these systems are a very long way from perfect and not the ultimate gatekeepers of what counts as abuse), it’s just how it might be viewed legally (in England) in case that was part of why you were asking.

Remember you are a guest in this space. I don’t know a single person who would rather you shit yourself or get assaulted than use the disabled toilet, but please remember that these toilets are built and designed for disabled people after a huge amount of campaigning and activism.

Don’t touch or move things you don’t need to. If you’re not familiar with how things work or why they are where they are just leave it be. The position of a bin might not mean anything to you but it could be really important to a wheelchair user who needs to change their tampon. Don’t touch things like grab rails either – while they’re fairly tough and you’re unlikely to cause any damage it’s not impossible and if you don’t touch it, you can’t break it.

Related, but important enough to have its own point: please don’t touch the red cord. Do not tie it up, do not wrap it around anything, don’t tuck it behind a bin. Don’t touch it (The only exception to this is to untie a cord that’s been tied up) If the cord doesn’t fall freely to the floor it could prevent a disabled person calling for help in an emergency. If you’re worried about accidentally pulling it there’s almost always at least one reset button in there with you. Press that and it cancels the alarm.

If possible allow other people waiting to go first. A lot of disabilities, both visible and less apparent, can cause problems with incontinence, urgency or pain that make it difficult for someone to wait to use the toilet. If there’s someone else in the queue and you are able to do so, offering to let them go first might really help them out.

If you want to get a radar key, get it from disability rights UK or give a small donation to a disability charity (again only if you’re able to). I’ve seen a couple of trans orgs giving away free radar keys and it’s unclear how they are being sourced. Knockoffs are common but only “real” RADAR keys are from Disability Rights UK and any profits help fund their charity work. Bear in mind that most disabled people also have to pay for these keys which are about £5. (Disability Rights UK say their keys are to be sold to disabled people or organisations only, this is a legal thing they have to say about VAT relief. There is no real way of following up how disabled someone who buys a radar key is because you don’t need to claim any benefits to be eligible for VAT relief and keys are a low value item that isn’t worth anyone looking into when things like adapted cars exist. Be gay, do crime, support disabled people having rights.)

Know the difference between a standard accessible toilet and a changing places toilet. Don’t use a changing places toilet if there is any other safe option. These have a different symbol and are bigger and fitted with extra equipment for severely disabled people and our carers. That equipment is more sensitive than anything you’ll find in a standard accessible toilet so if you do find yourself in one touch nothing. Especially don’t move the hoist (lifting equipment) as it can cause it to run out of power and make the whole space functionally useless if it’s not in the right space on the track. (To be fair this is an unlikely scenario as there aren’t that many of these toilets, but just in case)

ID1: a photo of the cover of a square colouring book titled “Bold and Easy Swear Word Colouring Book” by revive coloring books. The cover is decorated with speech bubbles with censored swear words. The words are “fuck” “shit” “pissed” and “fucking” / End ID 1

ID 2 & 3: two pages from the colouring book that haven’t been coloured in. They all have large outlines black outlines of text in the centre with large cartoon style designs to accent them. The first has text reading “fuck the haters” in all caps and is decorated with large smiley faces with different expressions. The second reads “Hell Yeah” in all caps with what looks like flames or an explosion behind /end ID 2 & 3

This doesn’t work so well for me, but it’s a good tip I’m happy to pass it along in case it helps others!