mariah

“i’m sad i wasn’t born in the era of -” bitch do it! if you like love letters, write them! if you like poodle skirts, wear them! society is imploding as we watch on in abject horror! do whatever you want!

Time to buy a guillotine

i wish everything was quieter and softer and less often

why the fuck does texas roadhouse encourage its customers to throw peanut shells on the floor. absolutely hellish restaurant

hey so my baby sister works there. have u seen them do the square dancing thing yet? when they play black betty everyone has to come out and start dancing. 

They do what

i live a mile away from one and it’s literally hell on earth there. the bread is good but that’s it. if it’s your birthday they cart you around on the birthday saddle

the what saddle

the birthday saddle

Yeehaw

This is a top tier post

he squeak bigger than he bod

@thedrunkhermit omggg my heart!!!

What the FUCK are you talking about

I thought I couldn’t fucking read for a minute

What

Did. This guy just. Assume women didnt. Know that. Did he just mansplain periods

Did he imply that he could actually feel someone else’s period??¿¿?

MOTOR OIL??????

💀💀💀💀

if penny wide was in the sewer i would simply not go down there

this is the only addition to this post that isnt bad

Every time I talk to my roommate I feel my pineal gland calcify and my third eye close a little bit more

Last night she asked me how many days there are in a year and I said “why do you not know that?” and she said “why the fuck would I need to know that?”

She’s getting ready for work rn while listening to the Carrie Underwood song from the Super Bowl at full volume

Last night she was telling me about a car accident she was in years ago and she said they had to use the “jar of live” and I was like. Do you mean the jaws of life and she said “you don’t know what the jar of life is?”

She’s sitting next to me scrolling through a facebook meme page scream laughing and showing me literally every post and saying “what’s wrong? Are you okay” if I don’t laugh hard enough

This is like the straight equivalent of Get Out

me @ my last brain cell

People like this exist. Interesting.

I thought things couldn’t get more horrifyingly amusing than the woman who wanted people to pay $1000 each to go to her wedding so she could “feel like a Kardashian for a day” and had a Facebook breakdown about it saying she was gonna go backpacking in Peru to “find herself” after being “betrayed” by her friends who didn’t want to partake but here we are

I thought it was the same person ngl.

I’m in the wedding shaming group and saw both this and the Peru post before it went viral. Love it.

Stephanie is a true hero.

my favorite thing about this update is that the fact that we are even SEEING this means there’s AT LEAST one other snitch in the party that she hasn’t caught yet

WYATT DAAAAAAAAAAAMN