yeah, i was in the shit

Thanks for asking. I appreciate it. Eh. Ok and when I’m not ok, not ok. But it usually doesn’t last too too long. Most of the day is distracted with ya know… life, but there’s times when I think of them and it fuckin sucks. I miss my mom. I almost feel a little silly (I don’t really) but being as old as I am and still wanting and needing my mom, but fuck, I wish she was still here. Fuckin sucks. She should still be alive. It just sucks. No matter how much you think you know and understand and have seen and gone thru their death and funeral, there’s just this wave, this wave that hits sometimes of almost shock that they’re gone. (It’s not really shock but something like it) Like really gone gone. Like I fully intellectually grasp that they are both gone (I saw both their caskets lowered into the ground) and that they’ll never be back here, and I will never be able to talk to them or tell them the stupid shit going on in my life, but I still am hit every once in awhile with, holy shit they are really gone aren’t they? It’s so strange. I mean def less than it even was a month ago, but yea grief is a fuckin mind fuck.