yeah— well— my FACE is flushing

Now, if you have any kind of disability, you know it's fucking annoying go have people make you explain something over and over again, or have people go "oh, you have X? You mean, like the [awful stereotype] thing?"

So, I have realized recently that being Vague As Shit is great for making people leave you the hell alone.

I have autism and anxiety, and with that comes the symptom of selective mutism. If you don't know what that is, Firefox is free. But I had an episode where I couldn't speak today in one of my classes, and knew I would have to explain it to my partner and probably my professor.

This usually goes with me writing that I can't speak, them asking why, me saying selective mutism, and them asking me what that is. Then I have to painstakingly write out an explanation. And, obviously, I'm tired of this. So I tried something new. When he asked, I simply told him I couldn't speak, and when he asked if I physically couldn't or just didn't want to, I just opened my mouth and unleashed the terrifying, awful, broken stuttering that comes out when I try to speak while mute.

His response was "OKAY OKAY OKAY YOU CAN STOP NOW" and he did not question me for the rest of class, and even explained to the professor what was wrong when she tried to make me popcorn read.

This also works on doctors. When I tell doctors I have PCOS, POTS, or hEDS, they usually hear "oh the crazy women self diagnosis disabilities" and treat me accordingly. So, instead I drop unhinged symptoms until they leave me alone.

"Yes, my last menstrual cycle started on December 12th, 2025 and ended January 28th, 2026." "I have experienced several events where I have passed out randomly, yes." "My hip has subluxated six times in the past week."

Hiroshi Nagai's paintings need sunglasses to look at.

They look like how it feels to walk across a parking lot on a 98° summer day without a speck of shade in sight.

They look like heaven but also like you'd burn your bare feet on the ground.

Even when you can see shade you know it's not enough and the minute you step out you'll be burnt to a crisp like a vampire.

This feels like I could trip on that radio and fall right into that water, feeling the crystal waves as I drop in.

And this, a nice stroll down a resort strip, where my sunscreened skin could literally feel cooked if I leaned too close to the tiling.

And then a nice stretch of summer street, wherein you could see your face in the flushed red of that car provided it didn't blind you from its sunny reflections.

"um people have definitely mentioned that out loud before lol you are young and therefore stupid and entitled and though i'm not saying it i'm also implying that you (trans woman) are being overly sensitive and nitpicking and nobody cares lmao"

But when that fails, I cannot recommend enough: going to the library/bookstore, to a section you don't normally read, and reading the blurbs of any and every book that catches your attention for whatever reason, until you find one that leaves you with a burning question that can only be answered by reading the whole book.

Never underestimate the power of Needing to Know The Answer.

Like, I'm an avid epic fantasy reader. I like big series, complicated plotlines with tons of characters and settings. I struggle to get through classics or anything non-fiction, and I never browse the mystery or thriller sections.

And yet, so far the list of books that have broke a reading slump for me include: Jane Eyre, Cymbeline (Shakespeare play), Pretty Little Liars, Piranessi (fantasy, yes, but not my normal variety), a mystery about a 13 year old girl who suspecrs she was kidnapped as a baby, a non-fiction book on the bureaucracy behind the gestapo, and a non-fiction memoir about the residential school that used to be near where I live.