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You know why I love AUs? Because the whole point of them is that everything is changed, and yet these two people are still going to meet and fall in love- that they’re so set in stone and so meant to be that you can change literally everything in a hundred universes and they’ll fall in love over and over again. 

I’ve been looking for this post my entire life

lifehack: when you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until noones looking and shovel candy into your pockets. god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

“God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own.” We really need to start collecting and sourcing these Potent Quotables.

“Kill me. Kill me and live with the memory. Then tell the stars that you won.” -fucking Warrior Cats

We live in a socie-

Wait wait you forgot the mushroom post “you can’t kill me in a way that matters” +the following uhhhh 1 sec

This makes me happy in ways I can’t completely describe.

There was a science fiction short story with that plot. Evil Aliens hit a spaceship full of humans with a paralysis ray before boarding. The ship's cat 1.) wasn't affected 2.) had been entered into the system as a crew member as a joke. So, being the ranking crew member, the cat was in charge. Ship's computer displayed the enemy ships on the tactical command touch screen and the cat swatted at the glowy dots, targeting the ships and activating the defenses.

how can you say this and not tell us the name of the story of the author because I AM DESPERATE NOW...

Everything about this post is causing me to make the same face as that cat.

time traveler hyping themself up for the 1920s: it's the great war not WW1 it's the great war not WW1 it's the great war not WW1 it's the great war not WW1

time traveler hyping themself up for the 2020s: it’s COVID, not Pandemic 1 it’s COVID not Pandemic 1 it’s COVID not Pandemic 1

Tempt not Apollo and his rubber ball labeled gift of prophecy.

I ST I will crush you with the ball.

gawd, I fucking love sheep peeling videos.

Oh to be a sheep peeled by a hot butch

"he's way too big for me so I let my wife handle him" oh my god this is so delightful

The salmonella onion ban has informed me that about 50% of my mutuals had a nice soup planned that's just RUINED now.

sorry the what now?

im at a house party with a bunch of lesbians and one just drunkly said “yall ever see a white girl do this” and stabbed a beer can that exploded in her face