bear in mind

Usually when the electrician goes 'hey.... there's something you should see' it's because someone set up shoddy wiring. This time it was because he pulled two snakes out of my wall

they don't tell you this but when an event is advertised as "for all ages" they mean kids. they mean kids. if you, a grown-up, show up expecting to do the arts'n'crafts, you're the weirdo. even though they said "all ages."

This on bootyshorts would go crazy

Masturbate the dog

the weed dispensaries should ask if you would like to round up your purchase to donate to PBS. and if you say yes you get to scan a QR code that gives you 30-day free access to the full run of antiques roadshow. this is how drugs can win the war on drugs again.

IMPORTANT PSA! If you contribute to PBS or any local public broadcasting subsidiary at $5/mo ($60/yr) or above, you gain access to PBS Passport, which has a tremendous library of public broadcast programs available…including the full run of antiques roadshow

does a cute pose despite it all

everyone who is not currently in the process of moving please pause and take a moment to be grateful that you're not currently in the process of moving

look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat

solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person