is someone chasing you?

SUMMARY:

The Boston Raiders wake up in their hotel the morning after they played the Montreal Metros in Montreal.

Of course, the side group chat is dying for any details about Ilya Rozanov’s notorious “Jane” meeting up with him after the game.

Marly decides to have a heart-to-heart with his best friend over sketchy breakfast sausage and watery scrambled eggs.

Naturally, Ilya is 100% open and honest when expressing his feelings. Just kidding, look who we’re talking about.

Ilya attempts to maintain control of the conversation while crashing out internally.

Ilya opens up a tiny bit and allows the chat bros to help him plan his big date with Jane when the Metros come to Boston to play the Raiders.

They’re so excited. They bounce ideas off of each other the entire plane ride back home. Shayden comes up because when is that ever not a thing?

The future is looking very bright. Surely Ilya can lock Jane down with all of this attention to detail…

🏒SUMMARY:

Cliff Marleau/Marlow gathers his closest Boston teammates in an abandoned group chat last used to plan a birthday surprise for their beloved captain, Ilya Rozanov.

The chat becomes chaotic before Marly can explain why he resurrected the chat. Shenanigans galore. Connors is catching strays left and right.

The boys are flying to play Montreal the following day. They remember that Ilya’s mysterious Jane lives in Montreal.

They start to realize that Ilya has only been hooking up with girls who have black hair, freckles, and brown eyes lately. Is Jane who he really wants?

Ilya Rozanov is a protector of drunk women. The boys are impressed and slightly jealous. They share some feelings and decide that they need to find Jane because Ilya deserves to be happy.

Boston loses to Montreal. The real story of the game is who was featured on the Jumbotron. The Shayden agenda comes to life again. Resurrected, just like the birthday group chat.

Ilya gets irritated and goes to meet up with Jane.

This can be read as a standalone, but it’s better in the series!

🔆This is a one shot fic. Chapter 1 is the final version (3.6K) and chapter 2 is the uncut version (4.8K).🔆

🏒NOTES:

This fic is meant to be 100% crack. The kind of crack that can only be created by my hot mess of a brain. AI could NEVER. FUCK AI.

The group chats are pure chaos because I imagine that group chats with hockey bros are likely this wild at all times, regardless of whether or not Ilya is there. We’re all lost and enjoying the ride. Connors is the annoying baby brother that you make fun of but would defend with your life. I promise that his teammates like him!

This is a Cliff and Ilya POV fic. I might explore more characters’ POV in future fics! The random tangents are meant to give an idea of who Ilya is close to and what goes on behind the scenes.

TD Garden: arena where the Boston Raiders/Bears (and the real NHL team, the Boston Bruins) play

Bell Centre: arena where the Montreal Metros/Voyageurs (and the real NHL team, the Montreal Canadiens) play

🏒SUMMARY:

A tabloid article drops with the headline: FANS POSE WITH MONTREAL METROS CAPTAIN SHANE HOLLANDER AT LOCAL AQUARIUM AFTER HE PASSES BABY OFF TO UNKNOWN FRIEND. Accompanying photos are too blurry to definitively identify the friend.

Ilya crashes out. Hard.

The group chat for the Boston Raiders chaotically discusses the article and comes to the conclusion that the baby Shane is holding might be a Shayden baby.

Ilya rage baits Shane over text. They are still pretending that they are very casual.

Ryan Carmichael texts Hayden Pike to learn the truth.

The group chat reluctantly tables the Shayden baby angle, but they still have suspicions about the fans who created this mess.

🏒SUMMARY:

FALL 2017 - Montreal

Jackie is giving Hayden a blowjob on the couch. She makes a slurping sound which unlocks a repressed memory, but he can’t place it. Unfortunately, he’s so startled that he knees Jackie in the face, causing a nosebleed. In a panic, he calls his best friend to help him to take Jackie to the emergency room. Shane has no idea that he’s indirectly set off this chain of events.

FALL 2022 - Montreal

Married Shane and Ilya are having a casual night at the Pikes’ house when Jackie decides to take a stroll down memory lane. Of all the memories, she decides that the nosebleed incident is the one that they should revisit together. Hayden is losing his mind, Shane is trying to wrangle his husband, and Ilya is there to make sure Hayden knows what REALLY happened.

OR: The cottage phone call mute button worked, but the pieces that had slipped through were lodged somewhere in Hayden’s brain. He’s reminded mid-blowjob and Jackie ends up injured. 5 years later, he tries to make sense of those memories.

OR OR: Ilya terrorizes Hayden

🏒NOTES:

Trigger warning for some blood mentions in relation to a minor injury! I need you to please suspend reality and pretend that Jackie’s bleeding timeline fits perfectly, that the ER is 5 minutes away, and that this is the deadest night in said ER which is how they got seen ASAP. I’ve never been to the ER in Canada; my experience is from the U.S. system only. Also, I know that they would speak French in Montreal. If you can meet me in this magical reality, this might work out for us.

There is NO domestic violence, but the possibility is raised as a formality. If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please visit No More Global Directory for resources in your country.

1. Image description: Ilya smirking at an interviewer as he speaks to the media while shirtless

Text [by slayyyter on Twitter]: even people that hate me love me a little bit secretly i think

2. Image description: Ilya and Shane racing each other up the stairs to Shane’s apartment

Text [by soft-anomaly on tumblr]: Just because I “long for their undivided attention” and “daydream about pinning them against a wall” doesn’t mean I’m gay that’s just how rivalry works. / “homoerotic undertones” my ass I just want my rival to be down to fuck

Text [reblog by soft-anomaly on tumblr]: to FIGHT I MEANT DOWN TO FIGHT

3. Image description: Shane leaning against the sink in the Vegas hotel public bathroom after talking to Ilya at the MLH awards ceremony

Text [by sarahlugor on Twitter]: spongebob was always ugly crying about something on that show and tbh i get it

4. Image description: Ilya looking skeptically at Shane after he approaches Ilya outside of the rink

Text [by cxrtezs on Twitter]: i believe in annoyed at first sight

5. Image description: Ilya at the bar at Ciel staring out at the dance floor where Shane and Rose are dancing together

1. Image description: Ilya entering the locker room in his hockey gear yelling and pointing

Text [by pegsephone on tumblr]: god made me bisexual as a gift to all of you, so maybe you should start acting a little more thankful

2. Image description: Shane and Ilya looking at each other and having an animated conversation at the Tampa bar

Text [by hanfjob on Twitter]: *pulling petals off a flower* it’s so over we’re so back it’s so over we’re so back

3. Image description: Shane standing in front of the mirror in the Vegas hotel public bathroom while yelling at Ilya (not pictured) during the MLH awards ceremony

Text [by zohaszn on Twitter]: me when im mad at my man / (text bubble) never ever talk to me ever again for five minutes

4. Image description: Ilya working out in the Boston Raiders gym while Shane is on the tv screen above on a Montbray commercial

Text [by z-m-3 on tumblr]: some of u aren’t carrying a constant yearning for love that consumes u and that must be nice

5. Image description: Ilya glancing over at his father who is standing off to the side as Ilya and the Boston Raiders owner? general manager? coach? talk on draft day