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when u plug a phone into a computer the comupter always charges the phone even if she has less charge than the phone bc the computer thinks that due to her size she always needs to provide for those smaller than her even when it hurts her more than it helps others. btw

what did dads even do before wd-40

I like saying "I'll allow it" only in contexts where I have no power or authority

It's actually kind of striking how rapidly the ads on ostensibly respectable platforms have changed in the last 12–18 months. I've been getting penis enlargement scams and pyramid schemes that don't even bother to pretend to be otherwise on YouTube – it's like every platform is now running the kinds of ads that even three years ago would have been restricted to porn sites, and I'm not gonna lie, the fact that everyone seems to be getting desperate all at once ain't an encouraging sign!

I just saw full frontal erect penis on a weather app. It's not the sign of the impending tech-bubble implosion I expected, but apparently it's the sign we're getting.

she meets on my gump till it helps

Hey I have an idea

My ancestors died because they were born a long time ago

I took a 6yo boy to his placement and as soon as I got him situated in the back he saw my SpongeBob driver’s license air freshener hanging on my rearview mirror. He asked if that’s really SpongeBob’s driver’s license and I said yeah it’s real. Then he asked where I got it if SpongeBob’s underwater so I told him I wore a helmet like Sandy and stole it from SpongeBob when he slept, and without missing a beat he goes “That’s identity fraud”

He's right

Okay, I am really obsessed with this joke. I literally reblog it every time I see it.

It's hard to get close to me because of my big knife

bye gongeous (seals you in the tomb forever)