let's pretend that nothing is awful

What….? Get out of there

I’d like to be in there

*pops my throat open and starts shooting out my vertebrae like a pez dispenser*

if she’s ur girl why is she attaching a radio collar to me to see how i migrate and behave

i personally don’t see how antoni being a failed actor who scammed his way into being a personal chef and then a celebrity cook wouldn’t make you like him more

I’m seriously considering becoming a Park Ranger. Maybe I’m passionate about nature. Maybe I think I’d look sexy in the outfit. Nobody knows, but it’s happening.

I’m still going to library school, but if I get my ranger certification, I can open the world’s first library just for deer, with deer books about deer things.

If I were Big enough to get a Met Gala invite and had the money to buy the $30,000 ticket for it, why on earth would I walk out in a boooooring cute white flowy dress when I was not only given permission to but ASKED to come strutting in with a circus tent goddamn skirt and honest to goodness chicken feathers plunging top, with gloves up to my shoulders.. like heLLO

I’m at the combination psychiatrist/taco bell

call that a [joke pending]

call that a shrinkwrap supreme