I want ...

Stock up on necessities if you can; avoid splurging on unnecessary items. This is always good advice, but it is especially important at this point.

That shirt can last a little longer. Your cat doesn't need a new toy; play with a piece of string. Cancel streaming services you don't use and downgrade the ones you do use to an ad-tier. Or... Freevee exists, you know?

Things are going to get tight, people.

Her: I am 100% sure there is a delay function on the coffee maker.

Him: and I'm sure there's not. I'm telling you I looked. There is no button for delay.

*after the fifth time they've had this discussion and she finally bothers to look up the manual to prove her point*

Him (following the directions from the manual): Goddamn it there is a delay function on the coffee maker.

Her (doing a weird dance): Vindication!

*He laughs and pulls her into a kiss*

*during the climatic scene the husband is fighting the villain in his own house and it looks like he's going to lose*

Him: you may think you have won but I know some you don't know.

Villain: and what might that be?

Him: there's a delay function on the coffee maker

*there is an explosion from the coffee maker behind the villain (the husband filled it with gas). It allows the husband to get the upper hand and win the fight. As he walks away from the burning house finally ready to move on and start living again. He turns back and whispers to himself*