stay whelmed

you re doin so good buddy

Baby sphinx trying to be like mama and waylaying travelers, but all its riddles are completely non-sensical like the ones a 1st grader would tell

what if it was called magic the slathering and it was about lotions and ointments

Something really violent about eating a burrito. Biting a hole in that thing. A sandwich or a taco is different, it's already open, but a well-wrapped burrito is like a complete living thing in your hand, the taut skin protecting a complex network if internal organs. And you put a hole in it, maul it for sustenance, like a wolf on the open plain tearing the throat from a living gazelle. Or perhaps like a guy living in an infested apartment catching a white rat in his hands and just biting into it.

This post would not be gaining this much traction on a normal website

Not the same. Cup is meant to be drinked from, bowl is meant to be eaten from. Drinking from a bowl hits different.

if your animal is lying on the floor, furniture etc, it’s important to take a picture of them. then, if they move or shift in any way, it’s important to take another picture. with this technique, you can take many pictures of your animal

The thing about Miss Piggy is that she kind of has a Roger Rabbit comedy superpower where she wins nearly any conceivable fight she's in. But unlike other characters of which that's true, like say, Bugs Bunny, who tend to win because they make the opponent play the game with their rules, Miss Piggy wins because the joke is that she can beat the shit out of literally anybody.

i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.

having feelings that contradict your morals is soooo fucking annnoooooyyyiiingggggg. can the emotions and logic department get on the same page im tired of having to like strangle myself into being a tolerable person

imagine if i did my work. if i sat down and Did it. and it was Done. can you even imagine such a thing

This isn't just for cults either! Shitty partners, bosses, friends - they all do variants of this where if you kick back the first time they make an unreasonable request, it proves you weren't ever committed since you'd let such a small thing ruin everything. And of course, if it's the third or the tenth unreasonable thing they ask of you, it's SUCH A SMALL THING to be a deal-breaker at this late point in your relationship!