i've been trying to interact more with some old friends that i reconnected with out of the blue... uhm but like, its been incredibly draining, IN SOME WAYS things are different and not as insane as it was when we we're all 14 and emo abt everything. but in some ways its NOTTT its really not.... i really like talking to these people but most social interaction is difficult for me already & i swear to god there's always some nothingburger that they're making weird backhand criticisms toward me about. basically trying to fake that we're getting along and agreeing to disagree but its not?? in actuality??? & its just heavily made me realize that like i just got older and i didn't really grow up; i still have no idea how to handle people treating me this way... i just handwave and awkwardly laugh it off and avoid people for a while.
there's been Multiple instances the past few months where something has happened, i mention something vaguely abt what i'm drawing or what i'm into; and like. someone disagrees and for the next few days everyone is Really Weird about it and Really Weird to me. & like for most of those I can understand being weird about it, i know that a majority of the stuff i like is not for everyone, its fine, you can be weird to me about it as long as you're still being friendly.
though recently something that they're all pretending they're Not Upset at me over has me extremely pissed lol, like, its something thats not even objectively bad on paper to the vast majority of society. like i can excuse them treating me weird over being a fan of Omori even but the goalpost has just gotten ridiculously farther at this point. i mentioned characters i was commissioned to draw since, i dont really know anything about where they source from, and they would at least have a better idea than me from being on Tiktok... it then snowballed into a shitty conversation abt how shipping teen x immortal characters is "unethical" lmfao. i dont know how many times i said over and over "hey i dont think immortal = adult every single time" & yet they still kept basically booing me for taking that comm???? (they don't know the kind of nsfw i draw so like objectively this is the 'worst thing' ive done to them which is kind of funny.)
but like i dont knowwww !!! it was weird!!!! they're all dying on this hill that i did something Unforgivably Gross? over a trope thats in like??? EVERY YA FANTASY NOVEL EVER???? and at the very least i could handwave it like "well ahah i dont have $$ to refund them now anyways..." but still. its still awkward whenever i talk in there now. i'm pissed that it happened but also even more pissed at like, the hipocracy of it all. just the day before they were complaining about like, "1000 year old lolis", the double standard is just incredibly grating.
