Put your hand at the level of your eyes

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

podcasts could have been so good but they decided to make the main genres True Crime and Men Talking. shut up shut up the public yearns for audio dramas

i do appreciate how tumblr LOVES podcasts that aren't what most people think of when they think "podcast." you people love strange and terrible things happening to queer & confused characters, and i respect that

every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway

I mean. That obviously wouldn’t work for many reasons, although I do believe if you required spelunkers to wear a suicide bomb to go caving, it would not be a major deterrent.

They'd be pissed off that the belt is too bulky and they can't squeeze through teeny tiny crevices that require you to avoid breathing until you're through or your ribs won't fit

Personally I think we should make all spelunkers wear bulky vests like those people who tie a wooden spoon to a tiny dog's back so it can't slip through the bars of a property fence. Stop 'em from getting in those positions in the first place.

let’s be real the pressure to use AI as an adult is exactly what they said the pressure the do drugs as a teenager would be like but the people that told us that caved immediately for the AI and definitely did not just say no

I am so tired of thinness being the standard of health. There are people in the notes of my post about the state of health of the average American during JFK’s administration being like “Well, actually, Americans are in worse shape now because obesity epidemic.” THAT WAS BECAUSE THEY WERE ON DIET PILLS. SPEED. THEY CHAIN-SMOKED. THE AMERICAN DIET AND WAY OF LIFE IN THE 1960s WAS NOT, GENERALLY SPEAKING, HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME.

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

whats everyones favorite cocktails. i totally adore a sex on the beach. no rum and coke okay i want your favorite gay ass colorful fruity tasting type of drink okay? okay. i trust you. i love you

“omg peoples mental health is so bad they don’t shower??” girl some people have such bad mental health they kill themselves

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

GMORNING GIRLIES IT'S YURI DAY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

recently saw ppl discuss whether they put their medicines in a kitchen cabinet or a bathroom cabinet and i was shocked by the fact that many ppl said kitchen cabinet. so now i need you to reblog this and say where you keep yours

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage