two mice eating a sandwich

they call me stuart little the way i like stew and art a little

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

I'm a time traveller from the 20th century. I travelled 26 years into the future to deliver this message. At a speed of 1 year per year

*clueless guy in 2006 voice* that iPhone? What a piece of junk. People are never gonna use a phone without a keyboard. I wish there was a way I could be a girl

youd think a band named violent femmes would be made up of violent femmes. but it isnt. its dudes

youse may bloody reckon a band name of violent femmes'd be a buncha sheilas after a couple bundy cokes. but it aint. packa blokes.

the funniest moment in dungeon meshi is when marcille is having her nightmare and brings up her dead bird while also talking about her dead dad, saying “papa and pipi” and laios automatically assumes pipi is marcilles third nonbinary parent on top of her mom and dad

The Ikea biphobia couch is the funniest thing that's ever happened. We found it gang. Nothing will ever top it in terms of being funny.

The what???

???

I don't know what to tell you man.

"Peggle make phone calls" has become shorthand for "fuck it, whatever" for me but no one ever knows what im talkingabout and it's also longer (longhand?)