You’re A Punk

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

me after every conversation: shit they’ll never wanna talk to me again

It’s Fourth of July Eve so make sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Captain America

I THOUGHT AFTER FOUR YEARS YOU PEOPLE WOULD LET THIS DIE AND YET AGAIN I OPEN THIS CURSED APP TO FIND MORE NOTES ON THIS POST

haha nooooo fandom don't sand off all the rough edges and pointy bits off of that character those are the parts I scratch my brain with haha

and, most importantly, during world war 2, “punk” was slang for an effeminate gay man, or the younger partner in a homosexual relationship.

i hate it when people mistake "etymology" with "entomology." like, i know where they coming from but it still bugs me

yuh i was there, that's how it happened

god, you take a five minute break and some asshole paints a picture

It’s Fourth of July Eve so make sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Captain America

My favorite form of redemption arc is “I hate that I have morals now”

Like “I realized that I was in the wrong and now I will work hard to atone” is good and all, but “how dare you infect me with morals” will always be so much more entertaining

This one gets it

Got sad today because two sixth grade students shared some inside joke that was so funny they collapsed against each other in giggles and I was hit with a massive wave of “I’ll never be young again.”

Got happy today because one of those same sixth graders (they’re seventh graders now) approached me after seeing me have a irrepressible giggle with a friend and said “you and [my friend] are just like me and [his friend], you can’t stop laughing.”

the strongest bond is probably pad wings to themselves. the weakest is probably pad wings to your underwear