a crisp one donger bill

Wow that's a really big gecko

When maids and concubines do murders in historical dramas I don’t think that’s a crime. They should be allowed to do that

you mean to tell me an hour is just six 10 minute intervals. We are fucked beyond belief

my wife, watching gay porn: wow. that's a dick, alright. that sure is one of those!

imagine netflix says 'Alright fuckers, you win. Here's your secret ninth episode of Stranger Things' and you click on it and it's the secret good episode of Sherlock

nastiest trick in the book is getting you genuinely deeply attached to a character whose name sounds fucking stupid in any other context. this WILL happen to you at some point in your life.

someone tagged this as ronald mcdonald. The Clown? thats your blorbo? thats your mipy? thats your floopy? the clown from mcdonalds? him? hes your Special One? ronald mcdonald the clown? the clown?

*dipping a dart into an unlabelled flask and loading it into my crossbow* you better not try anything stupid because i don't even remember what this one does

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"