Vanishing into something better

i can’t stop thinking about the time my roommate and i asked our insanely ripped neighbor brian who wore flip flops year round and sunglasses on the back of his head for help with carrying a solid wood dresser up to our apartment. he wanted to get his son who was home from college to come help too so he takes out his phone and goes, “siri, call christian christianson” and turns speaker phone on while we stand there sort of stunned by the name and after a few rings cc answers, “what the hell do you want” and brian just hangs up without responding and is all, “kids, am i right” then carries the dresser up four flights of stairs pretty much by himself. we offered him a six pack of rainier as thanks which he immediately opened in our kitchen and downed 2/6 beers in 10 mins while telling us about his 1989 dodge ram 1500 he was trying to get his son to restore with him to no avail. really nice guy. we never saw his son before he went back to school but any time i ask my roommate for help with lifting stuff or reaching something he says, “siri, call christian christianson” and we reminisce about brian and his truck.

you gotta read, you gotta write, you gotta draw, you gotta watch films and shows. there is literally NO time to be employed

bouncing on it in repentance

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

i’ll be real, kitten, daddy needs multiple wealthy and powerful folks to die in a painful, drawn-out, and generationally humiliating manner

senator mihi Romam identidem pueros bonae spei vorare dixit. rogavi itaque quot tirones haberet, atque is dixit se in Foro novum postea tironem reperire. dixi itaque eum Urbem pueris pascere videri, et tunc mensa eius citrea lacrimavit.

how the hell do people work full time AND work out. and also eat. i feel like a dvd player