the saint of never getting it right

i had a twisted dream this morning when my alarm tried to wake me up where jeff goldblum said 'Actually if you sleep a bit Longer you'll have More time to get ready It's called the Goldblum's Law and it works just go back to sleep' and i believed him and i overslept

hey boss sorry im late. i got Goldblumed

I bring a real 'actually people who are pregnant do deserve some special consideration because they are effectively at least temporarily disabled if not permanently after some complications' vibe to the party that a lot of people don't seem to like

Say what you will about Reddit but sort by controversial is like one of the best features of all time... Want To See Some Bullshit button

a cat is a sort of machine that dispenses hair all over you and everything else in the room

Ahh what the hell, gimme another unnamed layer! I ain't driving!

*sees your post, takes cigar out of mouth and rubs forehead* dont make me unfollow you, kid