I can't stop laughing at this. If the first one is real, it may actually be the worst sign ever made.

I don’t like how you put these two photos together, as if to imply that the dumplings with the paw print have anything to do with this sweet, innocent angel who has never done anything wrong.

out thrifitng, I hear a mom hiss “aiden. do not.” then a short pause followed by fervent bongo playing

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person

(violently jerking the steering wheel) my car swerves like crazy when i do this

getting on the treadmill at the gym and listening to bloodcurdling screams and scary noises and running as fast as i can screaming and crying and freaking out and looking behind me like someone's chasing me for like 30 minutes and then i immediately stop and leave like nothing happened

Bro don't forget to stretch

You know, as the concept of “zombifying fungi” becomes more and more popular, I notice it still referred to everywhere as like a “brain parasite.” So I guess a lot of people overlooked or forgot how in 2019 it was discovered that cordyceps and other similar fungal parasites leave the brain and nervous system completely untouched. They only control the muscles. They use chemical signals to make the muscles flex in real time where they want to go :)

It’s funny how many people are replying “but that’s worse!” like you didn’t know that’s exactly why I put a smiley

hmm... *gets in evil bed and holds my evil stuffed animal* evil night.. *turns off my fucked up evil lamp*

trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled

i need to show you guys the absurdly saucy pear my parents just casually had out in the fruit bowl like it was normal

Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive