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The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

Computer loves to be like "fuck! You sure you want to shut down? Youve got volume mixer open"

it was nice seeing you at the devil's sacrament

There could be a giant fire 10 miles away from my house blanketing my entire neighborhood in an orange fog. And I'll be like "Wow! The original Pathologic is so atmospheric, I can almost smell the twyrine!"

you people will reblog anything

you cannot fix that blond man please step away and let the professionals take over

ma'am please let the blond defusal squad do their jobs. they have better life insurance than you

you stole dog blood