Poking my head into for a quick void yell because how is this a problem I'm having?!?!
I think I have queer platonic feelings for my friend. He's my safe space, we get each other, our brains our similar and he gets me without me having to over explain. The problem: I'm like 15 years older than him and I have been married for a couple of decades. I madly love my husband. He is my rock and his love and support over the years has made me who I am. He's been confused but so supportive of my midlife crisis I'm having. I love him so much and anything poly is not his jam. And until my current friend I would have said the same for me. I want to have a good relationship with my husband. I don't want to end up with something awkward with my friend where we can't be friends anymore. I just want to have my buddy and my hubby and my feelings for them are very different but I don't know how to make that whole. However the unrelated family history trauma keeps comin and it don't stop comin so I'm also dealing with that. And perimenopause. Having a great time over here just questioning everything and trying to hold on.
In better news, I might get my first tattoo soon so there's that. Loving my nose piercing, no regrets. For the first time in my life I actually am happy and proud of my body and how I look. So not all bad, not by a long shot, just today's panic spiral. Wanders back into the void while screaming.

















