“I Love Museums” - N Sewell

Vesper wipes a tear from her face before turning to look at her. Ava is holding a see-through umbrella over her head and is looking at Vesper with a serious expression.

Vesper would ordinarily roll her eyes, but she feels too raw to do it now, so instead she says nothing and just looks at her. Ava looks worried, a frown creasing the space between her brows.

"What do you want, Ava?"

Ava considers the question for a good while. "To make sure you are safe," she answers finally, a pained expression in her jade coloured eyes. "I always want to make sure you are safe. Nothing else matters as much as that."

Vesper sniffs.

"I also wanted to apologize," she adds. "I know you wish to –" She stops. "I know you want me to –" She stops again and sighs deeply. "I am sorry, Vesper Louise."

Vesper feels ridiculous, stupid in her longing. "It's not your fault," she says, almost choking on the words. In time she will hopefully learn to mean it.

"I am afraid I have given you the wrong impression," Ava answers, and Vesper can feel the way her heart stutters to a complete stop. She can't fucking breathe, so she says nothing.

Then Ava continues, unaware of the way Vesper's whole body has turned into pure ice, "The wrong impression being," she says very slowly, "that I do not want or desire you."

She pauses. "I do. Want you. And I do not know what to do with the feeling. I do not know how to make it all right. I do not know how to feel this way without being so frightened that I will feel like I am crumbling to dust every moment I spend with you."

She turns to look at Vesper, almost pleading. Vesper feels like she has never seen this woman beside her before. Maybe it's true and she never has.

Ava takes a hesitant step towards her. Her hand lingers in the air, before she is so close that she touches Vesper's damp face.

"I am frightened," Ava murmurs softly, "that this is all a dream and I will soon wake up and you are gone. I am frightened I will be alone in the dark again."

Vesper grips her wrist, fingernails digging into the soft pale meat, leaving crescents behind.

"I want all of you," Vesper says and Ava nods. "Half isn't enough."

"Forgive me," Ava whispers and then finally leans down to kiss her, the umbrella, forgotten, dropping to the wet ground.

Ava knew that what she said last night wasn’t wrong. More so, the words were exceptionally fitting for the moment, and she still believed it. Then why did she feel a pang of guilt when she looked at Grace, who peacefully drank coffee while sitting across the table from her? Was it because that morning Grace was completely silent after she let out a polite greeting? Was it because her expression was so very neutral in a way it never was before? Grace was full of emotions, and it showed in everything she did, but that morning there was nothing. Ava was ashamed to admit it, but she was relieved that Grace let her into her apartment and didn’t shut the door in her face.

“For how long am I supposed to withstand this silent treatment?” Ava asked, trying to hide her frustration. Grace would always be the one to lead a conversation between them, and trying to poke into the silence she created felt wrong, but what else was Ava supposed to do when she needed to see something - anything - to make sure they were alright?

To her question, Grace simply lifted her eyes at Ava and swirled the coffee in her mug again before taking a sip that was followed by silence. Why did she have to make it this hard?

“Grace…” Ava’s hand slipped across the table, about to grasp Grace’s palm in a gentle grasp, before Grace sharply pulled her hand away.

“Agent Warren is fine,” Grace spoke with venom in her words. “Since we’re so hung up on titles these days.”

Of course, she would only speak to remind Ava about her mistake. As if trying to torture her, Grace leaned back in the chair, allowing Ava to see the thin satin fabric of her pajama tank top strain against her chest. Ava didn’t want to stare, but how could she stop herself when Grace was always so tempting?

“You can’t possibly still be mad at me. I was simply trying to keep you away from danger. Because I care about you.”

Ava’s pleading only made the situation worse – from neutral, Grace’s expression turned to a frown as she looked at her.

“And I’m so very grateful for it, Commanding Agent,” her words were filled with sarcasm, but Ava was willing to take that if it meant there would be no more silence between them. “How could I, a mere human, figure out what’s dangerous for me if it wasn’t for your endless wisdom? I meant what I said, from this moment on, I’ll be following all of your orders, since that’s what you want from me.”

When they entered the relationship, Ava foolishly hoped that it would be the end of their fighting and the frustration that came with it. She should’ve known better. If she knew that reminding Grace that she was her Commanding Agent and that she had to follow orders would result in this situation, she would’ve picked a different approach, but it was too late.

“That is not what I want from you,” at times, it was impossible to deal with Grace’s stubbornness. “Is it so wrong of me to want to keep you safe?”

“It’s not about what you did, and you know it,” Grace’s irritation was coming to the surface, and witnessing it was still much better than her staying neutral and cold. “It’s about how you did it! We share a bed every night, and you acted as if it was nothing and I’m just some fucking intern who doesn’t know what they’re doing. We’ve been together on enough missions for you to know that I’m not careless when it matters. So please, forgive me for acting frustrated when you use your fucking title to push me around.”

Grace looked hurt as she crossed her arms on her chest and looked at the table, avoiding Ava’s gaze.

“You are right, I shouldn’t have…” the apology didn’t come out right, mostly because Grace completely ignored it by getting up and making her way to the kitchen sink, where she loudly washed her mug. Her back looked stiff when Ava looked at her. She couldn’t stand it any longer. She wanted things to go back to normal, she wanted Grace to joke and flirt with her as she always did. Ava didn’t realize how good she had it until she lost it. But she wasn’t about to give up on their reconciliation.

Ava stood behind Grace and put her arms around Grace’s middle, pressing their bodies together. Ava felt her go still, but she didn’t give up on her plan. She kissed the back of Grace’s neck, over the ink of her tattoo, before moving to her shoulder. There was nothing Ava loved more than holding Grace like this, inhaling her smell, feeling her heartbeat so close.

“I was wrong,” Ava avoided saying those words to anyone for centuries, but she was willing to say and to promise much more if it meant Grace would stop being mad at her. At least she didn’t try to push her away yet. “What can I do to earn your forgiveness?”

These words, these actions should’ve made Ava feel weak and pathetic, but she felt none of those emotions. She was willing to do anything for Grace, it was simply a fact, one she was helpless against.

“One might think it’s inappropriate for my Commanding Agent to touch me like this,” teasing returned to Grace’s tone as she looked back at Ava. “Since you have so much power over me.”

“You’re well aware it’s not true. You’re the one who can undo me with a single word,” for some unknown reason, admitting that didn’t feel scary. And hearing Grace’s laugh felt like a good enough reward for that.

She turned around in Ava’s arms, their faces almost touching. Ava never felt so grateful to see Grace’s smile.

“That’s a little too dramatic for this early in the morning, don’t you think?” Ava felt arms wrap around her neck, while the tip of Grace’s nose brushed against hers. “I should’ve made you work harder for my forgiveness, but I’m too weak when it comes to you.”

Ava couldn’t help but smile at her admission. “At least it means we’re weak for each other.”

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard," she says, clicking her pen against the desk, barely able to hide her grin, as Ava bristles at her words.

"It is the only way," Ava says, crossing her massive arms that Vesper can't stop ogling at.

"It's really not," Vesper replie. She is slowly growing genuinely irritated by their argument that has continued for fifteen minutes now. "We should –"

"No," Ava says, square jaw clenched. "It will put you in most danger and Unit Bravo's mission is to protect you."

"I'm not an infant to be coddled," Vesper snaps and Ava pinches the bridge of her nose.

"You certainly act like it."

Vesper chooses to ignore the words. "If I was the bait, we could –"

"I will not allow it," Ava says, banging the table with her fists. Something inside the wood creaks. "Your safety is paramount. Your safety is the only thing that matters. I am your commanding agent and I am ordering you to –"

Vesper gapes at the words. "Wow. You really want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid."

Ava stares at her. In fact everyone in the room stares at her. No one says anything.

Then Farah bursts into a delighted cackle. "Nice one!"

She tries to high-five Mason who looks bored out his mind and ignores her entirely. She shrugs and offers her hand to Nate next, who looks at Ava apologetically before he slaps his own very gently against Farah's upturned palm.

Ava takes a long calming breath before she turns on her heels and marches out of the room without even opening her mouth.

"She didn't even break anything," Vesper says, thorougly disappointed.

Nate chuckles unexpectedly before he coughs and sobers. "You shouldn't antagonize her, Vesper," he says.

"But it's so incredibly fun," she answers, smirking at him.

"Yeah!" Farah giggles, delighted. "So worth it every time."

Mason just grunts behind a thick cloud of smoke.

Nate sighs, but there is a small smile on his face.

"For the record," Farah whispers so loudly one can probably hear it to the other rooms, "what you said was totally true. She does want to fuck you so bad it makes her look like stupid."