not today and not tomorrow

teaching a baby to talk via morshu youtube poops in an attempt to create a “morshu accent”

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

Man death is scary. Good thing it’s never gonna happen to me

i have a random issue with a handful of pre-srar fall out boy songs where I LOVE the the start of the song or just generally everything but the chorus, but the chorus itself i find kind of underwhelming (eg: ilalwtwiattgyo, ttotbo, igatrimeanomf, cfmrfrpfmsr, gblogbd(dyptstsasgts)

poor thing...walked straight into the electric fence

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

I once ate meat from a pig that was only fed wine corks during its life. I became nauseated and tired and fell asleep in my leather armchair. I dreamt of cool breezes over vineyards on the Mediterranean Sea, until I woke up in a cold sweat and a longing for Italy. It’s not right to feed a pig too much of something, it gives them a connection which is best left alone.

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

in terms of "dead dove" tropes in general one of my favourite ways to pervert an otherwise healthy and consensual relationship is to have one of the characters be responsible for something that was objectively and unsympathetically their fault and that they're determined to spend the rest of their lives making up for, but are unwilling (or unable) to confess to their new partner who only knows them as they are now and not as the shameful fuckup they once were, so they end up convincing themselves that they're essentially committing rape by deception - for the entirely selfish reason that is wanting to prove that they can succeed in obtaining and keeping one genuinely good, stable, unblemished thing in their life - by concealing it. but because they both desire comfort and don't feel that they deserve it they continue to do so, going so far as to try to prevent their partner from being exposed to any situation or interaction where they might learn the truth, even as it becomes a case of using them and the relationship to self-harm to satisfy their unresolved guilt that only grows with each passing moment.

and then, just when they've finally started to relax and let themself consider that maybe, just maybe, they do actually deserve to be happy and move on with their life, that's when the other shoe drops and their partner stumbles across the information that fleshes out and gives shape to the unspoken thing that's been hanging over their relationship since day one, to the point that they'd adjusted to living in its shadow, in the least favourable circumstances possible. building your home in someone only to find out that your house is haunted and the spectre has been in the room with you this entire time >>>>>

americans are like i was gifted child but also i didnt learn other countries existed until i was 35 years old

making this post ruined my life

on twitter this got a bunch of responses like “wow even the evil fujoshis? the homophobic yet hypocritically fetishistic ones? what if the fujoshi is racist?” and like well no obviously not in that case.

“shoutout to everybody from new jersey!” “even the new jersey serial killers…?”

*unafraid* I spport the evil fujoshis!

the really annoying thing is that even when you're making something with your dick it still takes effort. like this thing is going to be soooo good and appealing to my personal tastes. once this stupid motherfucker finishes it

made me laugh thinking abt if you do porn your boss could walk by and be like “fuckin hard or hardly fuckin?” and that might be pretty funny. well im alone there now. in our “special place”. waiting for you.

Trying to fuck a girl with alters starting every text with to whom it may concern

hey kitten. daddy needs to talk to you. your kink blog is great, but you are not highlighting the words correctly. kitten. stop highlighting. this is shit. did you seriously highlight that period. kitten.