so long and thanks for all the fish

When I was younger I thought the black market was a physical place in the middle of a desert canyon somewhere, and the reason it was called that was because all the stalls used black fabric. I thought that human bones and brains in jars were sold there. I thought you could buy smuggled artifacts and stolen artwork from painters long dead. I thought that you could buy elephant ivory and endangered bird eggs. I thought that you could buy rhinoceros meat and wild chinchilla coats. I thought you could buy pirated copies of movies and hard drives full of government secrets. I kind of wanted to go, but I knew it was a terrible thing to ask. I wouldn’t have bought anything, I would have just liked to look.

When I was 10 I really wanted a baby tiger bc I was a stupid kid and I straight up typed blackmaket.com into Internet explorer.

Just saw my doctor type "FUCKED FOR LIFE" on my chart then he turned the screen away and stopped making eye contact with me

Something I absolutely love is not caving into the pressure of "you HAVE to watch popular gay show the writing is actually competent and they won't ruin it this time" and being like "hmmm I don't know... I watched popular gay show before and it turned bad..." only to much later get your door knocked on and it's your mutuals crestfallen and you get to be like "let me guess. it turned bad."

The energy on the dash... Let me guess

I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever

The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late

For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral

so many people have inspired me to be nothing like them