constant clownery

My absolute gospel truth and I'm sorry this is so sappy but--where I'm living, Ilya fully changes his name to Hollander when they get married, like just fully legally changes it. And despite the fact that he continues to use Rozanov professionally ("Just like J. Lo," Ilya says.) everyone who knows them personally obviously knows what Ilya's legal name is and also assume it's a way to kind of stick it to his shitheel father. To this end, and kind of as a joke at first, people start referring to their two-person unit as The Hollanders ("Okay, the Hollanders are in room 508" etc.) but it becomes steadily less and less a joke when neither Shane or Ilya really seems to think of it as one. Ilya especially seems to genuinely love it. He'll say shit like "Oh yes the Hollanders will be there" when asked if they're coming to a barbecue like they live in a postcard. He LOVES to give his name as Ilya Hollander and he LOVES to book reservations under 'Misters Hollander' and he LOVES to say the words 'Shane and Ilya Hollander' out loud with his mouth. I also think that for their last game together in the league Ilya and Shane wear jerseys that say S. Hollander 24 and I. Hollander 81 and it's like. An end of an era type thing. And they frame the jerseys.

*packing my suitcase for a 3 day trip* hm, but what if I need my terracotta warriors..

advertising lemonade is pointless. the human body already knows it needs it

Phm from Adrian's perspective is just what if you were Penelope and Odysseus came home but he also brought a jellyfish and keeps begging you to build a fish tank for the jellyfish and make jellyfish food for the jellyfish and youre an ancient Greek whos never seen a jellyfish and you cant even comprehend how your going to do it but youre going to because if you dont Odysseus may kill himself. And also the jellyfish can do like. Witchcraft.

heartbreaking: well intentioned person who needs detailed instructions to function is giving extremely detailed instructions to person who gets overwhelmed with large volumes of information

heartbreaking: well intentioned person who gets overwhelmed with large volumes of information is telling person who needs detailed instructions to function to just wing it

Unofficial Autism Post

"it's just a romance novel" "it's not that serious" i literally don't care. it's that serious to me.

so now the montreal metrosexuals dont want their captain a little gay with it all of the sudden

not naming names but some of you are so creative and talented it's an honor to have you in my phone

the author’s barely disguised job they worked in their early 20s

it's really embarrassing how much self control i have to exert when you put me in front of a tray of convenient and tender meat like if you put meatballs in front if me the fuckers are gone in milliseconds. same true of roadted brussels sprouts or basically anything that's a nice little dense and textured morsel. i am the hors that d'ouvres

do not stand at my plate and snack. that shit's all mine. please give it back. i am the dozen hors that d'ouvre. i am the meatball's gentle curve. i am the cracker's butter crunch. i am a thousand grapes for lunch.

sometimes you just gotta fuck up your sleep schedule by reading all 100k words of a fic you're not even enjoying, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise

dont talk to me or my clone or my shadow self or my reflection or my me ever again