around me black bats dive up from the dark.

and they said "we're still open but we're running a different event tonight, book club is next week" I had put it in my calendar wrong.

today, the air quality is very bad. I went "they're probably still open, this doesn't seem more dangerous than a flash flood warning, but I'll go on instagram and check what their deal is"

and I opened instagram and instantly got so distracted by the first post on my instagram feed that I forgot what I was doing.

five minutes later went "shit, late for book club!" forgot that I intended to check, spent too much money on an uber but justified it because I am a social mammal who would otherwise only interact IRL with my abusers and healthcare providers.

the bookstore was closed with a little sticky note on the door that said "closed for air quality, book club rescheduled to (something)"

I was doing OCD Self-Loathing loops at myself for wasting all that Uber money because I couldn't just remember a task long enough to look up an instagram page and then I looked up the instagram page because I wanted to know when the reschedule date was and.... they had not posted anything to instagram. they just put up a door-post it.

I guess I could have called and inferred that they weren't answering their phone because they were closed for air quality but I didn't do that in part because my brain was like "don't call them, you sound Weird if you call people about every single weather event, just check Instagram"

it wasn't on instagram. the information was only available via inference and door post-it. the event reschedule date is still only available via door post-it but I can call them tomorrow.

my brain is still doing OCD at me but it has become Imaginary Wife OCD, which is my name for the OCD that makes so little sense rationally that I can usually tune it out.

so named because whenever I see a Tumblr post about how its misogynistic to use learned helplessness to force the women in your life to do your chores, my brain goes "you're doing that. you're doing misogyny at the women who are being forced to clean for you"

and I'm like "the woman being forced to clean for me is me and she can't do it so it's just kind of yucky here sometimes"

I don't understand why that's the case. I know you want something. I suspect it's "necromancer"

but we just looked at "necromancer" and that also felt very bad.

here. here's what let's do.

let's do the PT exercises. just one of them. literally just the stand-up ones and then we did a nonzero amount of PT, mission accomplished.

we do need to do laundry and the laundry is in the basket. like PT, we could do that and see if it gives us the Doing Something emotion.

and then let's put on pajamas. or at least soft clothes. let's get cozy in bed. that feels like a good idea.

and then see what time it is and how you feel.

you have Government Soup tomorrow and your Time Anxiety is pretty bad. is some of this that? you don't want to spend four hours tomorrow doing Government Soup in an office chair that hurts you?

my landlord’s cat, Thor! he may be big but he has the world’s squeakiest little meow