Things.

what the fuck makes phone apps so cocky as to send me notifications telling me to use it. my grocery list app straight up went "you havent made a list in a while! 🙂" are you out of your fucking mind. you are a program. why are you speaking to me like youre my equal. i could replace you with a pen and the back of a receipt. idiot. i kill you now

"skibidi toilet is ruining gen alpha" do none of you people remember asdf. i remember asdf.

the kids are gonna be fine. they just happen to be incredibly annoying like every kid before them

what does the fox say. i like trains. LEEEROY JENKINSSSSS. etc. we were all kids once. they are carrying on the tried and true god-given tradition of baffling and irritating adults. power to the children

my job on the leftist commune is quality control to ensure that all the pride-themed dragon pins crafted by the People's Bureau of Etsy artisans are suitably lame.

ordered a burger AMA

we’re dating now btw

I’m so happy for you and the burger

The remake reboot prequel sequel industrial complex is killing me but the good thing is I don't have to watch any of that. I can just think "that sounds boring or otherwise doesn't interest me in any way" and do something other than watch it

"They're making a willy wonka origin story with timothee chalamet," you might say to me. "They're doing a live action the last airbender again, didn't you love avatar?" I don't find it necessary. This is nothing to me

#my ability to not watch something is unparalleled

hate it when I'm eating and my stomach starts growling

if you could wait a fuckin second man big changes are coming I promise