video games ARE gay

eating rice, there's definitely an upper limit to how much you can eat, but thinking about it in abstract? when filling a plate? it's hard to conceive of it. that's what makes it so dangerous

take my ass to torture city where the grass is ouch and the girls are hit me

the shitty, super dry chocolate chip cookies are actually really good for dipping because they're like sponges and soak up SO MUCH tomato soup. mm

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.

the year is 2035. the new beauty standard is for women to cut their ears off, as ears are a masculine trait which make the face look too big and hearing isnt necessary as it doesnt align with being demure. evil feminists say perhaps this is unnecessary and ears are natural. women are agressively proclaiming they are cutting their ears off due to sensory issues

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

in the dungeon you will have to face a monster with the nose of a tiger, the teeth of a tiger, the ears of a tiger the eyes of a tiger , the cheeks of a tiger , the neck of a tiger, the torso of a tiger, the arms of a tiger, the paws of a tiger, the belly of a tiger the back of a tiger, the the legs of a tiger, the claws of a tiger, the ankles of a tiger, the tail of the tiger, the mind of a tiger, and the power of a tiger

when i was really little and had just learned how to write my full name . i noticed my twin brother had really messy handwriting. while mine was like … as nice as it could be for a little kid. so i wrote my name in his handwriting on a wall and i waited to see who our parents would get mad at . and they blamed him. and that was when my life of crime began

all joking aside it’s really funny that like little kids do things like that sometimes . my mom would look at her phone everytime she was at a red light so i got into the habit of saying “green” once the light changed so she would know . one day i was like “i wonder if i say green while it’s red if she’ll go” and so i did . and she did . and i got yelled at real bad

though looking back on it what the hell was she doing relying on like a five year old . who was a chronic shoplifter and liar . for that . i’m surprised we didn’t get into more accidents

My mom is Deaf so when I was like 5 I plugged all the drains in the bathroom with towels & toilet paper and turned the bathtub and sink on full blast before we went out to go shopping cause I knew she wouldn’t hear it and I flooded the entire house for no reason

ok that is some nasty shit i can’t even believe the amount of damage that would’ve done 😭