pokemon. turtles. toys

Did he yeet that cat?

you: pistachio me, an intellectual: That Green Nüt ™

so I was on yahoo answers and

hot take: jake peralta is bi and john mulaney plays his ex boyfriend from high school in season six of brooklyn nine-nine

john mulaney plays a rockin’ twink

If you had five billion you could hop from job to job, calling entitled customers idiots all across your city, putting the fear of You into every shithead in town until people become afraid to be rude to servers and cashiers, lest you emerge from the back room like some kind of manners-enforcing specter

Do I date tall people???? Just so they can always see me from my best angle?????? Or is that just a bonus for them?????

idk. how tall are you? cause that’ll tell you why you date tall people

I’m 5'2

you date tall people cause everyone is taller than you

today my prof said to my class “you don’t truly love someone until they’ve hurt you and you still think of them as the greatest person in the world. Love is the most violent act.” ok ok ok

then wtf is water?

THE SNACK MACHINE !!!?!

A weapon to surpass metal gear

I could have sworn the UPS one was the costume until I looked down

Why aren’t we asking... why?

“It’s one second.” I said “It can’t possible be that great.” I was wrong.

NYEM

I turned the sound on and laughed so hard it hurt

A shapeshifter who can only turn into things they eat

*turns into a puddle of cum*

Hey why are you like this

legendary tier: villain listening to “Africa” by Toto as they fuck shit up

this is the only good addition to this post

ragnarok isn’t a marvel movie it’s a taika waititi movie that the MCU was GRACIOUSLY given as a gift

black panther isn’t a marvel movie it’s a ryan coogler movie that the MCU was GRACIOUSLY given as a gift

iron man 2 isn’t a marvel movie it’s a humongous sack of shit

Calling iron man 2 a movie is generous

straight guys are absurd. i once asked one if they’d kiss a boy for $50,000 and they said no. at that point it’s not even gay it’s just the best option