Wife of Laios

just realized we're all gonna make it!

you have been BANNED from MyChart

now, pecker means penis. and wood means boner. so of course you would make assumptions about the term woodpecker. but no. the bird

don’t kill urself. get violently high and jack off at 11am. eat a really big burger. flirt with hot women online. jack off again at 1pm. take a fat nap. jack off again at 4,5,6pm. watch a movie. the world is your oyster

using tumblr is a really awesome way to learn about the types of people in the world because you will see a post by mutual #1 that's like "just jacked off with my awesome penis #my penis tag" and then scroll down exactly one post to see mutual #2 posting "this might be tmi but i live in a house"

if youre feeling anxious during sex just imagine the other person is naked

This is how I find out tunas are big ass fishes

cant even hornypost about falin touden bc im just gonna get dozens of people responding with marcille speech bubble image edits

this website’s easy watch. *dangles a bunch of greek gods like keys*

Keep in mind I only know like. Two Greek gods by name. Homer is one of them, and he was good friends with Odysseus I think?

Wait fuck Homer isn’t a god he wrote the fucking thing. Fuck

POST CANCELLED NO ONE LOOK

You're failing.

You don’t think I know that, God of Death? Can I pray to you so I can DIE ALREADY

Short version is that Pluto is a later name for the god of death, which is often associated with the Roman era/Roman mythology. Hades is the earlier name.

I set up my own house made of sticks and it has promptly fallen on me

I made this post thinking I knew what kind of fire I was playing with. Hephaestus, God of Fire, looking upon me from his fuck off tower or whatever said “Oh you think you know? Check this shit” and promptly set my post ablaze for everyone to observe

Hephaestus doesn't have a tower, he lived in a volcano

FINE THEN. BIG FUCK OFF VOLCANO. WHATEVER

FUCK'S SAKE NOT AGAIN

ares is the god of war, not kratos

WHY THE FUCK DOES THE GAME CALL HIM GOD OF WAR THEN

I can't believe this post is less than 24 hours old, it feels like something out of classic tumblr lore

I love this so much

time loop fans when the loop slightly changes

fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.