okay, let's talk about t4t.
because yes, there are a lot of non-transfems who use it, and on a certain level as a descriptivist linguist, a word means what people use it to mean. but also, especially when it comes to marginalized groups and their own terms, it can be really important to establish and understand and respect what they mean, not broaden and coopt them into meaninglessness. so let's talk about t4t as a term and why i personally hold that it refers specifically to transfem4transfem.
most of you are aware that t4t means trans4trans, and comes from dating and hookup websites, the same way terms like m4f, f4m, m4m, and f4f do. so, in order to really dig down into how these terms were used and what they signal to, we have to talk about how the word "transgender" gets used in cis dominated, 18+ spaces online, both now and in the early 2000s.
the fact of the matter is that trans women bear the absolute brunt of fetishization and sexualization from cisnormative society. when people say "tranny", they mean trans women. when people talk about trans sex workers, they mean trans women. when people talk about trans pornography, they mean trans women. when people talk about trans predators, they mean trans women. and when chasers on dating sites talked about looking for trans hookups, they meant trans women.
and that's where this usage originates, that's the environment under which t4t becomes a seeking category as well. for trans women looking for other trans women to date, rather than the chasers fetishizing them. and just like the word tranny, those who do not bear the brunt of the fetishization, sexualization, and marginalization that gave rise to the word do not get to reclaim it. so it is with tranny, and so it is with t4t.
it is also, i think, worth noting some other context surrounding why transfems would specifically need a term for dating each other, instead of dating anyone else. lots of transmascs date each other too, and lots of trans men and women date each other. so why shouldn't this fall under t4t?
consider what t4t means, given the historical context discussed above. t4t means transfems, trans lesbians specifically, seeking each other out for love and sex and connection. t4t specifically being a trans lesbian term is important, because trans women have been largely excluded and pushed out of lesbian communities and scenes, a problem that still persists today.
yknow who isn't excluded from those communities? transmascs, even trans men. the "lesbian community" at large, as much as such a thing exists, has been more willing to discuss the philosophy of men being lesbians than it is to accept that trans women can be lesbians. tme trans people have been accepted into the wider lesbian community since before the dating sites that spawned the term t4t existed. they've had communities, they've had ways to find each other, to seek love and sex and connection amongst each other.
transfems have been excluded from the lesbian community by tme lesbians, fetishized by chasers, and made to feel unsafe and dehumanized regardless when dating. for these reasons, t4t is a specifically lesbian, specifically transfem term, one that helps lesbian transfems find each other, find safety, find solidarity, find love and lust and comfort and companionship amongst each other, when surrounded on all sides by exclusion.
i understand why it has appeal to a wider trans audience, of course i do. and trans people of all genders do date and fuck and love each other all the time. nothing will take that away. but t4t has a specific meaning, a specific culture, a specific history, and a specific reason to exist. and i do not want that to broadened and generalized out of existence to appease the tme trans people who look at transfems building community out of immense pain and say "i want to play with that too."
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