#AE Musings for my personal posts, poems, thoughts, feelings, and otherwise unrelated to anything else. These are longer than one line at random throughout the day.
#Angela posting for uh posting about Angela. Ranging from small observations, opinions, to longer more analytical writing.
There might be some NSFW but I have not yet tagged any. It's extremely rare but still possible.
Not (properly) tagged posts are about a variety of things. Most prominent are of lighthearted topics, but there will be heavier and more important topics. You will see matters concerning transfeminism.
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What you find in this blog is terms of original posts is talking about thoughts I had, something I felt and wanted to express it, and sometimes, some kind of take on a piece of media (not as interesting as it may sound).
In terms of reblogs, it's whatever. Scroll for 10 seconds and you'll see.
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My ko-fi if you feel like being nice. Steam friend code 59507888.
Some colors under the cut. (Personal stuff and assorted things of other nature yet intrinsically the same)
You -can- call me Angela, it is my name, but if you find that confusing (considering the context of this blog), then you can simply address me by my url or by AE.
No, I don't kin her. The explanation is much simpler (she's simply very personally important) and yet extensive (I'd have to start from early life experiences to how I happened to develop as an adult). People, however, have kin assigned me in a way (in a jest and otherwise).
I do relate to her, and I've been told we share certain traits, but it takes a second looking through this blog to see we are quite different people. The primary thread of connection is in experiences and reactions to them.
I will include an index of my analyses here at some point. The #Angela Posting tag is small enough at the moment to not really inconvenience those that want to have a read, but it would still be cleaner to have it all in one place.
I am, regardless, very fixated. Haven't scared anyone with it yet, I think, and at least one person finds it endearing-
So, I'll just continue.
I'd like to clarify, too, that I have my boundaries with this, and I'd ask to please do not bring forth to me sexual content about her. At all.
Sorry, I do not want to see it. It's not that I don't think there's any discussion to be had here, but 9/10 times it's just material without any thought, and the other 1/10 is disconcertingly off the mark.
Additionally, while one might assume this intensity would correlate with romance, I promise you it doesn't. I do not see her that way. Please do not make that kind of comment, it's just awkward ("your wife" and such).
I can't really comment on ships for a similar reason. She's an aroace queen to me. I won't shut it down, and you can do whatever- I simply do not find it appealing, so I can't engage with it in any meaningful manner. I do have an immediate negative reaction to rolangela because of the overabundance of "the girl and the boy HAVE to date" type of engagement with either character. It's maddening.
I am an angebinah QPR believer. I think there's something interesting to explore there regarding similar themes and imagery in both of them, with certain specific conflicts and contradictions.
Regardless-
As you can imagine, if you ever feel like talking about her, I am your gal. Hit me with your takes, your feelings, your thoughts, your questions- I adore her and I'm always happy to indulge.
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Fanart Library of Angelandria at 6196 files at the time of editing.
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Saya is pretty fun, I just have to figure out a comp for her. The way she changes how Caro mechanics work is kind of messing with my usual approach (cooldown on CF but with a bigger pool, Devour doesn't give any bonuses by itself anymore like Block) but playing your hand well means you explode everything very effectively.
one of the most frustrating thing is being treated like expressing your opinion abt things is being like controlling or abusive or malevolent in some way. idk why this is something that happens to transfeminized ppl a lot but fsr it is. i've seen ppl get HALed for talking shit abt a fucking play on socmed. i've had ppl treat me like i was judging them and taking over their life bc i talked abt not having the same religious beliefs and not wanting others' religious beliefs applied to me. it's so fucking idk what to even say abt it it's like we are not allowed to have and express our own opinions and if what we think contrasts with others then it is an attack on them. that we do not actually do anything to even try to control what others do means nothing if someone feels that we are. it's so fucking exhausting to have ppl constantly assign you as an Arbiter Of Morality And Conduct because you speak your mind on things and then treat you as responsible and to blame for their own fucking complexes. and ofc the answer to this kind of bootstrapped dilemma is fucking always excision
my therapist asked if i was looking forward to my birthday and i said the only thing im looking forward to is total societal collapse. i told her about the chair and she asked if i was excited about that and i told her im not getting my hopes up and that i might have to use those funds to buy dinner tonight. i dont look forward to things. when i have a desire i crush it,i bury it, because wanting leads to pain. living is pain. im in pain. thats my every moment. id at least like to be in pain in a comfortable chair that doesnt make the pain worse.
i have 105 dollars out of 400, links are up there.
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are you sure about that? are you sure a sequence of seemingly unrelated shots would remain erratic and unknown by the viewer, who, being human, has a tendency to search for narrative and emotion even within random coincidence? isn’t there a soviet film theorist you forgot to ask…?
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it's kind of crazy that he ruined "eat your cake and have it too" forever because like it Is an objectively better way to order that phrase for clarity
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I don’t think healthy people every really get chronic illness.
I have a friend I know from when we were both 6. She is the only person living nearby and so she saw me go from walking through limping to wheelchair on a daily basis. I keep her updated on my health even tho we rarely hang out anymore.
She was gonna come over yesterday and I had to cancel. She asked if I can’t hang out later that day. When I said i won’t feel better later, that if I feel that bad in the morning later will only get worse she got annoyed and “joked” that I’m just finding excuses. And I was surprised, she knows all about me being disabled after all? So, a bit taken aback, I told her it’s a normal thing for me.
“But you got the diagnosis now, aren’t you better?? I thought you’ll get better now”
She was honestly surprised and it made me realize a thing. They don’t get it. They don’t get that getting diagnosed only equals benefits like welfare or parking spot for us, and sometimes better pain meds but that is just like pushing luck. That it’s a forever thing. That that one day we felt good a week ago was just a bright spot and doesn’t mean we won’t need our aids anymore, cause chronic illness is not linear and will make a great comeback in next four hours, and the next good day is planned on when we’re 70.
Cause when abled people are sick, they get better. And our illness is just an excuse for them. And when we say we will never get better they think we’re being dramatic and pessimistic.
And I don’t think they’ll ever get it, cause to get it you need to live it.
And I want my friends to stay healthy and not go through hell.
