#AE Musings for my personal posts, poems, thoughts, feelings, and otherwise unrelated to anything else. These are longer than one line at random throughout the day.
#Angela posting for uh posting about Angela. Ranging from small observations, opinions, to longer more analytical writing.
There might be some NSFW but I have not yet tagged any. It's extremely rare but still possible.
Not (properly) tagged posts are about a variety of things. Most prominent are of lighthearted topics, but there will be heavier and more important topics. You will see matters concerning transfeminism.
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What you find in this blog is terms of original posts is talking about thoughts I had, something I felt and wanted to express it, and sometimes, some kind of take on a piece of media (not as interesting as it may sound).
In terms of reblogs, it's whatever. Scroll for 10 seconds and you'll see.
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My ko-fi if you feel like being nice. Steam friend code 59507888.
Some colors under the cut. (Personal stuff and assorted things of other nature yet intrinsically the same)
You -can- call me Angela, it is my name, but if you find that confusing (considering the context of this blog), then you can simply address me by my url or by AE.
No, I don't kin her. The explanation is much simpler (she's simply very personally important) and yet extensive (I'd have to start from early life experiences to how I happened to develop as an adult). People, however, have kin assigned me in a way (in a jest and otherwise).
I do relate to her, and I've been told we share certain traits, but it takes a second looking through this blog to see we are quite different people. The primary thread of connection is in experiences and reactions to them.
I will include an index of my analyses here at some point. The #Angela Posting tag is small enough at the moment to not really inconvenience those that want to have a read, but it would still be cleaner to have it all in one place.
I am, regardless, very fixated. Haven't scared anyone with it yet, I think, and at least one person finds it endearing-
So, I'll just continue.
I'd like to clarify, too, that I have my boundaries with this, and I'd ask to please do not bring forth to me sexual content about her. At all.
Sorry, I do not want to see it. It's not that I don't think there's any discussion to be had here, but 9/10 times it's just material without any thought, and the other 1/10 is disconcertingly off the mark.
Additionally, while one might assume this intensity would correlate with romance, I promise you it doesn't. I do not see her that way. Please do not make that kind of comment, it's just awkward ("your wife" and such).
I can't really comment on ships for a similar reason. She's an aroace queen to me. I won't shut it down, and you can do whatever- I simply do not find it appealing, so I can't engage with it in any meaningful manner. I do have an immediate negative reaction to rolangela because of the overabundance of "the girl and the boy HAVE to date" type of engagement with either character. It's maddening.
I am an angebinah QPR believer. I think there's something interesting to explore there regarding similar themes and imagery in both of them, with certain specific conflicts and contradictions.
Regardless-
As you can imagine, if you ever feel like talking about her, I am your gal. Hit me with your takes, your feelings, your thoughts, your questions- I adore her and I'm always happy to indulge.
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Fanart Library of Angelandria at 6196 files at the time of editing.
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nothing more pathetic than when people just respond to the obviously bigoted "why are all poly people gross and fat?? 🥴" shit with "nuh uh i'm actually poly and i'm thin hottt🥰 [insert 10 selfies]"
if you are being compared to fatties as an insult it might be kind of cool if your immediate kneejerk response was not to agree that we ARE gross and luckily you're NOT one of us
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sometimes people will make you feel stupid for being kind. this makes it hard to stay kind. it is important that you do anyway. if you have become unkind, it is important to remember that you can become kind again. it's a skill, not an inherent trait.
“everyone is mad at me and they just won’t tell me” —> “no one has said anything about being mad at me and i haven’t done anything to warrant being mad at so if someone is silently fuming about me and not saying anything that’s their problem and actually quite weird of them and i can effortlessly move on with my life”
this took SUCH a huge deal of unlearning because, like so many of you, i came out of a home where being quietly in trouble WAS the default state, and i DID grow up not just with the assumption but borderline religious conviction that Everyone Is Mad At Me, I Am Bad, I Must Exist In A Constant State of Attempting to Pacify The Natural Rage I Inspire In Everyone. and no it actually turns out that my family are the freaks . and yours are too
“this isn’t true because i DEFINITELY silently fume at people in the hopes they’ll figure out what they did and apologize” that’s not good. you shouldn’t do that
“this isn’t true because the ex-friendship that traumatized me ended explosively after they were mad at me and never told me why” that’s not good. they shouldn’t be doing that
“i don’t think this is true because my current friend group is constantly icing me out until i figure out what ive done to upset them and properly apologized without being told” hey thats not good. they should not be doing that
if the peacefulness of your relationship with someone (familial, romantic, friendly, anything) can be destroyed by effective communication/asking them for effective communication, you have got to get out of there. if you can’t get out of there, you’ve got to throw away any ideas about what that person thinks of you because they have their own shit to figure out before they can accurately read anyone else
I have Opinions:tm: about the way the audience reacts to Faust. I could be projecting though, so I'll save it for the next two years or so till her canto to see if it's correct. And if it is, no one will be spared.
Anyone noticed that it's only the audience that ever projects Sexiness onto her? That the only display of power (something you COULD characterize as sexy) is ever on intellectual matters, which she happens to be insecure about as we learned recently?
This isn't the game doing it in general, mind you. Rodya is very much The Baddie of the team. Ryoushuu had her own sex appeal also in relation to power. Outis is like 90% some kind of Badass Sexy in her IDs. Don Quixote has her own thing going on with her energy (and the contrast with Sancho, which, again, Power).
Don't get me wrong, Faust has her attractiveness, but it's always in the realm of "dork with a pretty face" (and like what character DOESN'T have a pretty face in the main cast?) which is very similar to Yi Sang, except he's very outwardly melancholic. She just happens to be busty? And Rodya is right there anyway.
If I hadn't seen this a lot I'd say it's just how things go with all fictional (and non-fictional tbh) women, but I know it's because she's -not- outwardly sexy. It is precisely because she's reserved.
Now, is there anything "wrong" with this? not necessarily. People calling it "fanservice" when she's fully clothed with several layers just because she has tits isn't just someone being horny, but projecting horny intent on a regular picture. I think there's a distinction between "reserved women turn me on because it's my thing" and the assumption that everything she does is sexual or "hiding something". The picture is "good looking" as in appealing to beauty standards, but it's not a pinup.
This is why I say maybe I'm projecting. PM absolutely makes their characters attractive on purpose, and they lean into -what- makes them attractive (See: Thumb Capo Meursault, basically every Rodya, Contempt, Awe Ryoushuu) and you'll notice that with Faust it is never about her body (in that sense), or how she interacts with other people, or whatever. The most obviously suggestive moment she has is with Ring Apprentice uptie story, like, it's incredibly horny, and it's precisely about the way She Behaves and not how she looks.
Am I saying "don't be horny about her"? No. I am saying the misogyny is palpable, enough that people are: 1) reducing her to "quiet girl with HUUUUGE tits" 2) getting horny about traits she doesn't have (because that's how the quiet girl fantasy goes) 3) ignoring the ones she DOES have that are there PRESENTED THAT WAY (how many times does she need to dig through guts (one time her own) for you to Get It), and this whole thing is so potent that The Baddie does not get that treatment, because she IS intentionally sexy, right? can't let empowerment be sexy, that'd mean too much agency* for a woman..
*You did notice that, right? That the ones that are in control of their attractive traits (all of them) don't get the same treatment? that the one whose whole thing is Not being in control, and is reserved, gets instead sexualized in terms that aren't her own? did you notice that? that she becomes the focus? of turning her into a fantasy rather than fantasizing about what she is?
I have Opinions:tm: about the way the audience reacts to Faust. I could be projecting though, so I'll save it for the next two years or so till her canto to see if it's correct. And if it is, no one will be spared.
not to shen egg discourse but the anger at egg jokes towards internet celebrities is always projection. people are using this post from his patreon as proof the jokes are evil,
shen doesnt say it harms him in anyway, but people are still using this as proof its wrong. "afaik" means he is not even discounting the possibility of his understanding of himself changing.
and i do genuinely hope the therapist he is seeing is one who is actually willing to help trans patients and this isnt some exploratory therapy shit. You dont go to therapy for gender stuff if you arent questioning gender stuff, but plenty of therapists will keep you questioning as long as possible because they do not want you to come to the answer that you want to transition. thats bad even if shen is cis.
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It's something that irks me personally because it's so hard to verbalize when this is being done to you. Yes hello you're "Being nice" in a way that treats me like a Thing, can you not do that?
noooo but I literally Like you being a Joke, being a Thing, being Something. I'm being nice.
If someone calls you a fucking dumbass they're obviously being ableist, if someone says you being a fucking dumbass is cute also is, but you can't call it out.
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Today a random clip of a F1nn5ter Q&A stream found its way into my feed.
Someone asked F1nn why it was that on her larger branded social media accounts she still listed herself as a femboy in some places while in more intracommunity spaces she more readily and comfortably identified as transfem.
Now, depending on who you ask that kind of question to you'll probably get a meandering answer on the complexities of how one defines their own identity. But instead F1nn gave a very quick and simple answer.
She gets less death threats or other general threats of violence from people when she calls herself a femboy vs calling herself transfem. It wasn't any deeper than that, and some people in her audience understood that, while others were confused that femboys were more palatable to cis people than transfems.
Another Clip of F1nn made its way across my feed today, she she mentioned a little bit more on the difference on being known as a Transfem streamer vs her old Femboy days.
"As soon as I came out as trans, it felt like everyone was an asshole and I had to adapt to it again...I don't know, people just don't like it if you're not [just] some funny guy."
Like obviously if they agree is because they hold those beliefs on some level, but it baffles me when the character isn't a caricature but a commentary on bigotry, and they "Like the character" in such a way
It's like those people that say "I like my asian friend, she's so Exotic"
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