#AE Musings for my personal posts, poems, thoughts, feelings, and otherwise unrelated to anything else. These are longer than one line at random throughout the day.
#Angela posting for uh posting about Angela. Ranging from small observations, opinions, to longer more analytical writing.
There might be some NSFW but I have not yet tagged any. It's extremely rare but still possible.
Not (properly) tagged posts are about a variety of things. Most prominent are of lighthearted topics, but there will be heavier and more important topics. You will see matters concerning transfeminism.
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What you find in this blog is terms of original posts is talking about thoughts I had, something I felt and wanted to express it, and sometimes, some kind of take on a piece of media (not as interesting as it may sound).
In terms of reblogs, it's whatever. Scroll for 10 seconds and you'll see.
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My ko-fi if you feel like being nice. Steam friend code 59507888.
Some colors under the cut. (Personal stuff and assorted things of other nature yet intrinsically the same)
You -can- call me Angela, it is my name, but if you find that confusing (considering the context of this blog), then you can simply address me by my url or by AE.
No, I don't kin her. The explanation is much simpler (she's simply very personally important) and yet extensive (I'd have to start from early life experiences to how I happened to develop as an adult). People, however, have kin assigned me in a way (in a jest and otherwise).
I do relate to her, and I've been told we share certain traits, but it takes a second looking through this blog to see we are quite different people. The primary thread of connection is in experiences and reactions to them.
I will include an index of my analyses here at some point. The #Angela Posting tag is small enough at the moment to not really inconvenience those that want to have a read, but it would still be cleaner to have it all in one place.
I am, regardless, very fixated. Haven't scared anyone with it yet, I think, and at least one person finds it endearing-
So, I'll just continue.
I'd like to clarify, too, that I have my boundaries with this, and I'd ask to please do not bring forth to me sexual content about her. At all.
Sorry, I do not want to see it. It's not that I don't think there's any discussion to be had here, but 9/10 times it's just material without any thought, and the other 1/10 is disconcertingly off the mark.
Additionally, while one might assume this intensity would correlate with romance, I promise you it doesn't. I do not see her that way. Please do not make that kind of comment, it's just awkward ("your wife" and such).
I can't really comment on ships for a similar reason. She's an aroace queen to me. I won't shut it down, and you can do whatever- I simply do not find it appealing, so I can't engage with it in any meaningful manner. I do have an immediate negative reaction to rolangela because of the overabundance of "the girl and the boy HAVE to date" type of engagement with either character. It's maddening.
I am an angebinah QPR believer. I think there's something interesting to explore there regarding similar themes and imagery in both of them, with certain specific conflicts and contradictions.
Regardless-
As you can imagine, if you ever feel like talking about her, I am your gal. Hit me with your takes, your feelings, your thoughts, your questions- I adore her and I'm always happy to indulge.
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Fanart Library of Angelandria at 6356 files at the time of editing.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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One of my favorite thing to do with toys was pretending they had some objective in a room of the house, and planning how to achieve it.
"toys are alive" in this case had nothing to do with Toy Story. I played Army Men and thought it was neat to think of them as literal little people that need stuff to live.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Memory is funny because I'll remember some specific shitty things, some specific good things, some that are particular and don't quite fit in Good or Bad, and then there's the ???
Like yeah I remember random classmates confiding in me for no obvious reason, and I remember the [REDACTED], but why do I remember a specific play session with toys? Like vividly remembering the plot I made up with some toys, why do I remember that.
This is, for context, in The Fog of roughly 20 years. Like idk why that one. I understand why I remember playing certain games because of how it felt or the context but that was just. 10 year old playing toys.
you were almost turned into a vampire, but before you could be fully turned, the vampire was staked. This left you with a vampire weakness, while still being human.
Spin the wheel to find out your weakness!
How much does this effect you?
Nothing changes
It's inconvenient but I can deal with jty
It will be hard to adjust but I'll figure it out
I don't know if I'll be able to live like this
Maybe I can find another vampire to finish the turning?
I might just kill myself
Results/other
Remaining time: 6 days 12 hours
thanks @theemmjay for submitting this poll idea!! Seriously it's such a cool concept I love it so much
Memory is funny because I'll remember some specific shitty things, some specific good things, some that are particular and don't quite fit in Good or Bad, and then there's the ???
Like yeah I remember random classmates confiding in me for no obvious reason, and I remember the [REDACTED], but why do I remember a specific play session with toys? Like vividly remembering the plot I made up with some toys, why do I remember that.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
i do not minmax i do not play competitively i do not optimize my build i do not grind i do not topscore i do not give a shit about leaderboards. i play to have fun and if im not having fun i go do something else
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Assuming healthcare doesn't get worse (it will), I'd still need to move to the only place in the fucking country that does vaginoplasty, and somehow not work for a couple of weeks while I recover, which I can't do.
Like, you'd need the situation to not get worse (look at my government, man), I'd need to be able to move there or at least have somewhere to stay for the duration, AND having a different yet sustainable source of income that LETS ME take a break of that length. Which I currently don't have.
Alternatively, if the healthcare explodes, I would need the astronomical amount of money to pay for it, which is a miracle on its own.
If everything in my life was comfortable enough, one could make the argument of perhaps this being a goal worth chasing, because a chance might come up, but unfortunately it isn't, and I can't waste my limited time on a pipe dream. I need to not die first.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how many trans women I've known who come to realize over time that they experience much more bottom dysphoria than they've consciously understood
I think this is partially a problem of trans women being fetishized, a trans woman's value being equated with her penis, but I think it's also partially a problem of availability. personally if something is difficult to attain then I have an internal reflex to unconsciously convince myself I don't want or need it. for this reason and many others it needs to be made easier
personally it's fucking crazy going through life not even being able to be naked around trusted loved ones or fully have sex because the dysphoria is so bad. it's unacceptable that so many of us have to live like this. it's horrible that for many trans women it's almost impossible to get the care we need. it does not have to be like this
