#AE Musings for my personal posts, poems, thoughts, feelings, and otherwise unrelated to anything else. These are longer than one line at random throughout the day.
#Angela posting for uh posting about Angela. Ranging from small observations, opinions, to longer more analytical writing.
There might be some NSFW but I have not yet tagged any. It's extremely rare but still possible.
Not (properly) tagged posts are about a variety of things. Most prominent are of lighthearted topics, but there will be heavier and more important topics. You will see matters concerning transfeminism.
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What you find in this blog is terms of original posts is talking about thoughts I had, something I felt and wanted to express it, and sometimes, some kind of take on a piece of media (not as interesting as it may sound).
In terms of reblogs, it's whatever. Scroll for 10 seconds and you'll see.
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My ko-fi if you feel like being nice. Steam friend code 59507888.
Some colors under the cut. (Personal stuff and assorted things of other nature yet intrinsically the same)
You -can- call me Angela, it is my name, but if you find that confusing (considering the context of this blog), then you can simply address me by my url or by AE.
No, I don't kin her. The explanation is much simpler (she's simply very personally important) and yet extensive (I'd have to start from early life experiences to how I happened to develop as an adult). People, however, have kin assigned me in a way (in a jest and otherwise).
I do relate to her, and I've been told we share certain traits, but it takes a second looking through this blog to see we are quite different people. The primary thread of connection is in experiences and reactions to them.
I will include an index of my analyses here at some point. The #Angela Posting tag is small enough at the moment to not really inconvenience those that want to have a read, but it would still be cleaner to have it all in one place.
I am, regardless, very fixated. Haven't scared anyone with it yet, I think, and at least one person finds it endearing-
So, I'll just continue.
I'd like to clarify, too, that I have my boundaries with this, and I'd ask to please do not bring forth to me sexual content about her. At all.
Sorry, I do not want to see it. It's not that I don't think there's any discussion to be had here, but 9/10 times it's just material without any thought, and the other 1/10 is disconcertingly off the mark.
Additionally, while one might assume this intensity would correlate with romance, I promise you it doesn't. I do not see her that way. Please do not make that kind of comment, it's just awkward ("your wife" and such).
I can't really comment on ships for a similar reason. She's an aroace queen to me. I won't shut it down, and you can do whatever- I simply do not find it appealing, so I can't engage with it in any meaningful manner. I do have an immediate negative reaction to rolangela because of the overabundance of "the girl and the boy HAVE to date" type of engagement with either character. It's maddening.
I am an angebinah QPR believer. I think there's something interesting to explore there regarding similar themes and imagery in both of them, with certain specific conflicts and contradictions.
Regardless-
As you can imagine, if you ever feel like talking about her, I am your gal. Hit me with your takes, your feelings, your thoughts, your questions- I adore her and I'm always happy to indulge.
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Fanart Library of Angelandria at 6356 files at the time of editing.
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[image description: image of an Aardvark with grey, yellow and white in the background. Text says “Parents say they just want you to be happy and get married” at the top and “Oxymoron” at the bottom.]
Here’s an old aro meme from 2011, which was before the rise of the “Ace Discourse” around 2015 (which may have started out as backlash in response to The Trevor Project deciding to include asexual people around that time). This meme format uses an aardvark to represent aromantic people. At the time, axolotls were often used in similar memes to represent asexuals, so the aromantic aardvark was chosen as the aromantic equivalent of the asexual axolotl. Aardvarks were considered to be somewhat of a mascot for the aromantic community for some time, though they have become less popular as a symbol in recent years.
I don't know how common it is, but a very useful and strange period of my life was making alt accounts with different names and aesthetics? and joining different spaces to see how it felt.
I don't create a whole persona or something, I just saw what happened, depending on how people approached, trying not to use the usual scripts.
It's also goofy because the way state powers et al. shape your surroundings informs societal norms. People are generally misogynistic because misogyny is baked into fucking everything, and it's baked into everything to sustain a social structure.
Your values, beliefs, prejudice, assumptions and assessments, your fucking LANGUAGE- didn't all spring up from the void. Are you being for real? And it's a system that exists for a purpose. People aren't bigoted for no reason or just to be mean, not on a -systemic level-.
And like something I've seen consistently is make this claim, that the state doesn't discriminate once you're not cis, but then make the take that having a uterus exposes you to specific systemic problems. That's crazy! It's almost like there's material reasons for sexgender assignment and it affects you in some particular way to be assigned one over the other! I think MAYBE you only make a distinction there because you're a transmisogynist who only cares when it serves your narrative! A transmisogynistic narrative! In a transmisogynistic society! Wow!
TWERFs will make the correct assessment that there's a very material reasons for the creation of these classes (being able to conceive means you serve a specific role in the reproduction of the labor force, and it also means you're particularly vulnerable during that time) but stop their analysis there. Society is built in a more complex manner than that: cis women who cannot conceive are still oppressed, "the feminine" encompasses a broader more complex role than if you boiled it down to a village of 20 people.
But there IS a very real material reason, that is the base for the superstructure of gender.
They stop there, though, so things like the nature of the sexual violence towards transfems just goes ignored. Obviously. Because if your entire analysis hinges on the uterus, the superstructure of Gender and The Woman has to be ignored. Seen the maddening argument that cis women who can't conceive are collateral. Surely, birth is THE ONLY way women are oppressed, right? That is THE ONLY ROLE they're pushed towards. Nothing else happens in the realm of gender.
Anyway, transmascs deserve better analysis than Vibes or TWERFs but as long as we keep playing these ego games we're getting nowhere.
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something i’ve been thinking abt a lot recently is how the whole “in the eyes of the state” thing is almost like. it’s just there to say “social oppression isn’t as important as legal/governmental oppression” isn’t it. like the insistence on not actually listening to transfeminists on topics like intercommunity violence and exclusion is sort of hand waved away bc these people aren’t “the state” they’re like your neighbors. which somehow makes it okay?
The indian burial ground trope is weird cause it's like. Obviously the horror is white people being haunted by their own sins, right. The colonialism. Murdering these people and paving over their graves. But they literally never frame it that way they're too racist so it's still, like, subliminal white guilt under a thick layer of "what if the savage ndns come back 😨" like the scary thing here is YOU LOL
Thinking about The Shining (1980) more specifically because I watched it the other day ... if we want to have a pretty generous reading, yknow, Jack is textually explicitly racist in a way that we could interpret all of this as On Purpose. Especially considering we don't see any Native ghosts, just white men going insane and killing people, as they are wont to do. The donner party shoutout towards the beginning is a fun gesture to this white people tendency. But generally this trope is executed in a way that's really not self aware it's just spooky ndns. And I'm not convinced King or Kubrick were *really* thinking about it that wokely, either
The implication seems more vague about this place, the land itself, remembering the violence that happened here & driving people to madness and/or maybe possessing them, influencing their behavior.. It's a little ambiguous. Which I love supernatural ambiguity as you know but I really cannot stress enough that if ndns fight you trying to desecrate their graves you're the bad guy like that part is pretty cut and dry actually
It's also frequently pretty unnecessary set dressing. What if you were in a haunted hotel cause a guy went crazy and killed his family in there ... and there were dead ndns also. Implying it's the dead ndns fault. Man white people just do that sometimes
I did not spend years of my life at university studying rome in classes that were over 50% women to let someone say "rome may be for the guys" on my post!!!
men aren't obsessed with Rome they're obsessed with being patriarchs who get to subjugate everyone around them. He doesn't care about Pliny the Elder, he's having wet dreams where he gets to be Caesar. It's unironically the new vegas thing, we're living in an age beyond on-the-nose satire. This was also mussolini's deal
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drawing is all sbout becoming good at illustrating one character at 3/4 angle and nothing else no backgrounds no props no furniture no money no job no future
Every time I see someone casually refer to someone else (often a complete fucking stranger they just read a story about) as a 'narcissist' I get this much closer to just biting people. I'm not interested in ultraconservative evangelical demon-possession cults. Stop doing their work for them.
Like surely there are other ways to call someone arrogant and selfish without yanking open the cover on the demon possession cult pipeline. Pick basically anything else. Like the phrase "arrogant and selfish".
It's some kind of personal hell to have people overestimate me but then I don't get why some thing is working and a friend has to stop me and let me know I'm self-deprecating.
I suppose a better way to put it is that I'm vigilant of people overestimating me, not that it happens a lot. I just pay too much attention to that. There's a possibility that I've conditioned myself to overcompensate for it and it turns into self-deprecation, which doesn't parse as such because it doesn't come from a place of low self-esteem, but rather, assuming that those people are misjudging and thus they have to be wrong in their assessment.
There's stuff I do intentionally (being there for someone), there's stuff that's not in my control (whatever anyone finds attractive), and then there's the enigma.
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It's some kind of personal hell to have people overestimate me but then I don't get why some thing is working and a friend has to stop me and let me know I'm self-deprecating.
I suppose a better way to put it is that I'm vigilant of people overestimating me, not that it happens a lot. I just pay too much attention to that. There's a possibility that I've conditioned myself to overcompensate for it and it turns into self-deprecation, which doesn't parse as such because it doesn't come from a place of low self-esteem, but rather, assuming that those people are misjudging and thus they have to be wrong in their assessment.
It's some kind of personal hell to have people overestimate me but then I don't get why some thing is working and a friend has to stop me and let me know I'm self-deprecating.
Silent Hill fog. Mr Krabs confused. Where am I.
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