light & shadow & beauty & ash

I want to know You, I want to see, I want to say hello; He is actually not far from each one of us, for in Him we live and move and have our being | March 2026 retrospective

Dancing in Film:

Singin’ in the Rain (1952) dir. Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly

i recognize that this didn't happen in a vacuum, and a lot of us are responding to a culture that doesn't take our pain or discomfort seriously and has denied or downplayed real trauma for generations.

however, i strongly recommend trying out some of these framings and phrases in order to develop some healthier, more resilient understandings of ourselves and our relationships:

I would prefer not to

I had a bad experience

I don't like that

I would need more support to be able to do that

I'm not in the mood

That bothers me

I worry about [specific negative outcome]

I'm not up for that today

I'd rather do/talk about something else

I'm not the right audience for that

I need more information first

That doesn't seem worth the time/energy

not every personal preference or unpleasant emotion must be linked to a psychiatric diagnosis or a trauma trigger. constantly interpreting your experiences through this pathologized lens is not good for anyone.

if you are surrounded by people who do not take your "i'd rather not" seriously unless you can cite DSM chapter and verse, you have shitty friends and need to hang out with different people.

also, no matter who you are or how traumatized you are, you do not need to avoid every discomfort. it is true that for someone with severe trauma, a ptsd flashback can derail their whole day and cause genuine physical and psychological suffering. however. this is different than "someone mentioned a tv show that my shitty ex liked" or "someone at an event made me feel socially awkward." we all go through negative experiences, and convincing yourself that you are so damaged that the only safe way to live is by demanding protection from anything that could make you feel bad is extremely unhealthy.

you need to be able to function as a human being even when the world includes things that are unpleasant or even painful. if you train your brain to experience everything you don't like as a "trauma trigger," you will create a reality for yourself where you are constantly under threat and develop an identity as someone who cannot manage any situation not completely under your control. you are capable of feeling sad, startled, annoyed, offended, disgusted, or nervous. i promise.

the following events ensued:

1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?

2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes

3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes

4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke

5. this absolute masterpiece:

Case in point: my mother hates chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Despises it. Cannot fathom why it exists. If she were ruler of everything (god help us all) she would ban it. She would not let me order it as a child because “it’s terrible and you won’t like it.” And when she talks about people who like things she doesn’t, inevitably their tastes are “worse” than hers. Not different- worse.

I didn’t try chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream till I was in college and had a friend who loved it. (It’s fine- not my favorite but a perfectly acceptable ice cream type.)