Good Morning

“this isn’t true because the ex-friendship that traumatized me ended explosively after they were mad at me and never told me why” that’s not good. they shouldn’t be doing that

“i don’t think this is true because my current friend group is constantly icing me out until i figure out what ive done to upset them and properly apologized without being told” hey thats not good. they should not be doing that

Same, actually!

Step one: i am upset. I wait and keep it to myself - depending on the scenario i may wait ten minutes or i may wait a month. But i do not ONLY wait, i actively search the feeling and situation to see if this is a Me thing i can work on within myself, or something i can get over easily for the sake of keeping things pleasant and smooth, or whatever. Maybe i am actually just hungry and irritable. Maybe the issue is less about the loud group of my housemate's friends and more about the week i was already having. Maybe it was very frustrating in the moment, but now that the moment is past i no longer really care and don't think it's likely to come up often in the future.

this is where most people mess up. Because doing this step properly LOOKS like just ignoring whatever is upsetting you, so it's hard to learn from role models unless they explicitly communicate how to do this. And i think for many people, letting go of a certain level of upsetting might be an automatic process that happens if they just give it some time, but that's not everyone, for sure, certainly not me. But a lot of times, at least for me, if i do this step with intention, it turns out i can parse what it is and work through it on my on because it is actually some Me shit, and i don't actually need to do step two, But knowing how to do step two is important.

Step two: This is for when you've examined it, and you're still upset, and you know what's upsetting you and why, and you have some idea about what would be less upsetting. Most of the time, again for me, this really just boils down to getting on the same page with whoever else is involved to make sure it doesn't happen again, but sometimes will be something else; it may simply be a need to be heard and acknowledged.

So then you just, calmly, briefly, bring it up with the other person or people. You say something like "I felt upset when ____, and i'd like us to figure out a way to try to make sure that doesn't happen again" or "I felt upset when ____, and i think if i could tell you why it was upsetting in a way that you understood, it would help me be less upset" or even "I felt upset when ____, and i'm not even sure why but i'm still upset and i haven't been able to figure out how to let go of it and i am hoping you could help me resolve it"

anyway, always telling everyone that you are upset and why the instant you feel upset is not always the best way forward, anymore than never telling anyone you are upset no matter what. But being ABLE to tell people you are upset is an important skill.

Take thirty seconds or an hour or a day or whatever you need, to sit with it and see what it is. THEN be comfortable telling people in a constructive way.

“Frog”

For those who don’t know the story…The kids were catching a frog in a children’s pool, and my son managed to catch it. We just wanted to observe it for a few minutes — maybe 10. But other parents started shouting that he had to release it immediately. One woman became especially aggressive — she grabbed the container with the frog from his hands and threw it into the bushes.It was an unpleasant moment, the children were upset. Later, we talked a lot about it — about respect, boundaries, and not assuming things about others.So we decided to keep this moment in a different way.I painted this frog for him. He looked at it and said:

“Mom, this is your best painting.”

So here it is — my best painting.

#frogpainting #acrylicart #texturedart #impressionism #artstory

Whenever I see someone disregard or disparage ideas of rehabilitation for people who have done (or in this movie's case, almost did) unforgivable things, I want to grab them and ask "what should be done, then?" Because, people like that do exist, in spades, and short of executing or imprisoning or Black Mirror White Bearing every person who's done or thought of doing something immoral, rehabilitation is probably the best bet for minimizing harm, right? (And if your answer to immorality IS execution or isolation... i do not think youre really the more moral one here...) But even taking out any potential empathy for the humans who do or think of doing immoral acts, sometimes, giving them the tools to lead a happy and fulfilling life are the exact thing that leads them AWAY from the potential acts of like, shooting up a school, regardless of how undeserving you think they are of that.

terfs reduce women to their genitalia, but they call women "cuntgirl" and "ciscunt" (actual tags btw)

many trans women have a rape "kink" where they are the rapist fetishizing their own penis through feminization, but they justify this behavior as coping with oppression from women

rape is okay when the penis-haver calls himself a woman. rape is okay when the victim is a gross terf

the rise in kink/paraphilia acceptance definitely has nothing to do with paraphilic males calling themselves oppressed

nooooo u don't understand these are just fantasies. it isn't like every documented male serial killer started with fantasies before they moved on to rape and murder actual women

women: unlearn your disgust with highly-detailed rape fantasies. unlearn your gut feelings that warn you of danger. unlearn every survival instinct you have. millions of years of evolution and pattern recognition is transphobic

these male bodies will not hurt you. these penises will not rape you. sure, they fantasize about it, but fantasy means nothing. after all, they said they were safe. isn't that sweet? isn't that nice?

I understand this reads as a story about educational abuse towards girls mostly, but I think the situation I described might also mirror heterosexual marriage as a system that helps government regulate men and save up financial and social resources at the expense of women.

From early childhood, we are taught to take an active role in raising boys and monitoring their behaviour - to prepare us for marriage, where we will be responsible for how well a man is adapted in society that raised him unadaptable in the first place. In the same extent the government is interested in plugging gaps in important social spheres with women's unpaid labor (the majority of volunteers and social workers are women), it is interested in heterosexual marriage as an institution that is supposed to discourage men from engaging in activities that have negative social consequences - gambling, alcoholism, crime, and unemployment - through women’s positive influence. Patriarchy teaches boys cruelty, disobedience, lack of empathy and social awareness - all the qualities that are detrimental to a functional well-organised society, and simultaneously relies on women to contain these qualities - responsibility first carried out by mother to be consequently passed on to wife.

i. the monster's body is a cultural body

ii. the monster always escapes

iii. the monster is the harbinger of category crisis

iv. the monster dwells at the gates of difference

v. the monster polices the borders of the possible

vi. fear of the monster is really a kind of desire

these are all direct quotes from jeffrey jerome cohen's "monster culture (seven theses)" (full pdf linked) i highly encourage you to read it yourself!

that said, while i think cohen's writing is evocative, it can be a little dense, so while i'm here, here's my capsule summary (you can also hear me talk about this in the first episode of my podcast) (listen to @ghostswerepeopletoo)

i. the monster's body is a cultural body - The monster is a work of fiction to be analyzed through tools of literary and sociological theory.

ii. the monster always escapes - As long as the cultural fear from which the monster stems persists, the monster will reappear in retellings, reimaginings, and sequels.

iii. the monster is the harbinger of category crisis - Monsters defy binaries and challenge easy comprehension or categorization.

iv. the monster dwells at the gates of difference - The monster represents the Other.

v. the monster polices the borders of the possible - Tales of the monster exist to discourage unacceptable or taboo behaviors.

vi. fear of the monster is really a kind of desire - Subjects can vicariously participate in the disruption of the social order through the monster.

Get down on hands and knees--- you start to see the world. The tiny bees, a glittering blue-green color, slide down between the pollen-coated anthers of the dandelions into the crevices of the petals like miners sliding down into narrow shafts. The big bees make it look so simple. For the tiniest bees, a dandelion is a place more than it is a food. The bee's body is sleek like a suit of armor, and solidly shiny blue-green instead of having the distinctive stripes of many other bees.

Can I learn the name of this bee? To see the bee and to know it, you have to look very silly lying on the ground among the dandelions, looking closely at the things too small to be important. It is a mere particle, just a Bug, rather than a stereotypical fluffy yellow and black bee. It is complex and beautiful; its metallic and glittering exoskeleton, its transparent wings, its articulated and sensitive antennae.

Source

*freeze frame*