sleep would be nice

I’m making it a habit to say “drac u later” when I leave a room and “I’m backula” when I enter a room

everyone riding the train today got 250 xp after a level 32 dracula wandered onto the tracks

(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN

things will work out + it’s still early + not everything is lost + trees

LOTR abridged

every time i try to check whats inside eggs stupid goop comes out

what they don't tell you is that after you turn 30 you have ocasional but powerful bouts of home ownership fever, which is like baby fever but instead of randomly really wanting a baby you go on zillow and look at modest properties you will nonetheless never be able to afford. and then it passes and you're like wtf was that about. yay time for another $6 coffee to stave off the dread

printers behave like that because the medieval monks they put out of work are haunting them

It's Another Beautiful Day of Not Being On Mount Everest. just how Every day of my life will be Another Beautiful Day of Not Being On Mount Everest, on account of how I am Never Ever Going There.

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

i hate that evil forces from a realm that is beyond human comprehension take all my money every time I buy things. one minute I have the money and the next.. gone.. this is clearly the work of someone wicked

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

my lord. the two statues you commissioned are finally complete. yeah, the double-order with the vast and trunkless legs of stone and the shattered visage. i like to think we captured the sneer of cold command pretty well. it's a really thought-provoking piece my lord. very deconstructionist. i'm sure that even a traveller a thousand years from now could take one look at it and instantly recognise it must have come from an artistically enlightened culture

Just found out the guy I've been fighting with via email over whether a matter is legal or finance's responsibility is the SAME GUY I've been chatting with in the halls. Oh my fucking god. I'd literally send him an email basically being like, you are incompetent and you are actively trying to evade responsibility, and then FOUR MINUTES later see him in the halls and go "Heyyyy bitch omg how's your wife, how did the vet trip go, when are you going to come to lunch with us on Thursdays omg stop avoiding us" he must think I'm CRAZY

Oh my godd I forgot about this guy lmfaooo we're buddies now, mostly because the joint project we were working on is complete. I never brought this up and I prefer to believe he thinks I have impeccable compartmentalization skills

Trainee grumbles that this is stupid when the first set of tasks is just cleaning the dojo. Within two minutes he reaches for the dustpan and knocks the edge of his pinky nail against it in a way he's never noticed before. He's staring at the baby blue smudge and suddenly he understands things differently.

There's a montage of days passing as he fetches water, chops wood, hoes crops, washes clothes. His nails are a different color during each cut. He's sprinting up the mountain with a fresh wet pedicure and the master is nodding in approval. The master's nails are flawless tech art.