shitposting sanguivore

deez nutzferatu

the tv in my lair is from the 90s. the 90s! that’s illegal!

i was banned from Hot Topic because people thought i was a mannequin and took all my clothes off

there are straps on the front of my leather suit because if there wasn’t, you’d see my nipples. it’s cold in the basement

Integra will never let me have a phone now that i’ve told her that i’d want “the audible rumbling whoosh of a blood volcano erupting out of someone’s chest as they howl and screech like a hammy actor” as my ringtone

being in servitude to Integra has made me so much better. for instance, I no longer teabag my fallen foes

i don't "stalk", i mosey. don't mistake me for those scrub poser vamps that stalk

i assure you i spend every waking moment practicing being ridiculously photogenic

finally managed to get a vacation, so there’s going to be a little hiatus. hopefully less than 30 years, hah

the price i paid for immortality was sad flat bony asscheeks