MoneyLtd

my fave thing about alligators is that evolution was just like.. “yeah that’s fine” and left them for 80 million years

My favorite thing about evolution is that it’s tried to make crabs on at least 4 different occasions independently of previous species

when i was in like third grade i went to this science camp and one night at campfire they told us a story about a ufo crashing into a lake nearby and then later in the middle of the night they woke us all up and told us the aliens were back and this time they’d laid eggs in the woods !! it was our duty to arm ourselves and go destroy the eggs, so we armored up in tinfoil and shaving cream ( ????? ) and marched into the woods ready to save the planet. the ‘eggs’ were whole watermelons hidden around the camp and we had to smash them open on trees and rocks and eat the alien fetus/watermelon goo as fast as possible. i cannot emphasis enough the raw joy of digging into a watermelon with your bare hands and stuffing it into your face in the middle of the night in the woods, barely taking time to chew so that you can save the planet from hostile aliens, and i think i became the person i am because of that night.

me as a camp councelor

I can not stress this enough but, what the fuck.

That’s one way to get kids to eat fruit

free range mop

I love her, she looks so absolutely bizarre

how did bambi become the “sad disney movie” when the fox and the hound (1981) was like.. right there

NO NO NO NO I DONT WANT JANGLES THE MOON MONKEY AS A FOLLOWER OH GOD

he has no commands he can’t be dismissed this stuffed monkey is fucking pissed

as part of my reform package, i promise to turn all rich people into furries, so instead of spending all their money on superyachts they spend it on commissions, which have a significantly higher rate of economic recirculation and a significantly lower carbon pawpr

but theres gonna be a lot of inflation

you put that sentence back in your mouth

Please stay safe, cubs!

who out there shootin purple deer and bright green foxes that walk on two legs and have big ol toony eyes

His libido.