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wish i could have been a fly on the wall for THAT conversation! not because i wanted to hear it or anything but because i'd be a lil buuuuug

go back to sleep puppy *holds chlorophyll over your face*

haha yay! *starts making sugars*

you hear the sound of a baby crying, with the doppler effect, and then it's gone. you whip your head around, searching, confused, but you're alone at home at night. it never happens again.

A famous baseball player has just made millions, but can they live with their decision?

not my labyrinth not my minotaur

kind of a snort. rehog.

dragon falling victim to the human distribution system and ending up with a pet she has no idea how to take care of. it’s really cute but she keeps giving it fish and it won’t eat and she’s worried it’s sick. it keeps making little noises at her but she can’t understand them because she doesn’t speak whatever language it knows

Baby shoes for sale baby died

Worry about it kitten

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

beautiful women named "storage space running out" keep texting me every day

You are either going to the bathroom with me or going to the bathroom against me

making the radical claim "11 year old children should be taught how to make extremely simple food" has resulted in people making arguments like "I wasnt allowed to plug in electronics until I was 16 and I think this is super normal actually" and "children dont know what ratios are so its unfair to expect them to be able to comprehend the idea of adding equal amounts rice and water to a rice cooker" and I gotta say originally I thought maybe I was being too judgy but now I feel very secure in my opinion because what the fuck