Ay

Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.

when a cartoon character has a little nutsack or dick visible at all times it might raise some eyebrows but is ultimately seen as funny & acceptable. on the other hand you couldn't make Crazy Frog with a cunt. one of society's great inequalities

bro thay put transgender in me

today i rang up a customer at work for $13.36 and i said with such genuine cheer "uh-oh! two years before the plague hit England, if anyone cares!" and i watched the customer's eyes as they were clearly taken aback and then tried to pretend to be interested at all. they made such a valiant effort. they were like I don't wanna damper this guy's plague enthusiasm. They said, very awkwardly, "haha, uh-oh!"

new apartment update: cat has figured out how to open kitchen cabinets and knock a bag of dry food off the shelf onto the counter so she can have a lil snack in the middle of the night. we are fucked.

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

if you spoke to lestat or louis about your pain, they would say, "your pain? what about MY pain?" but if you spoke about your pain to armand he would say "let me lobotomize you and you will never feel pain again." he has a solution-based mindset and we could all learn from him.

oh… HIM boba…

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.