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I once sent a woman a text message so interesting that she took three whole days to read it

In a fucking *heartbeat*. My entire existence has been somewhere between tired and exhausted.

mate just so you know you're coming off as a major ocelot right now [what initially seems to be a jerk off motion but then becomes the gun twirling]

I am surprised people aren't displaying the antipathy they do towards england at the world cup also towards france and the usa. I feel they are both eminently hateable: france is both france and the clear favourite winner this year, and do I even need to explain whats up with the usa

people with twitter accounts and facebook accounts are always talking about how 4chan is a nazi website

podracer Sebulba notably absent from swift-kelce wedding attendees............

new mychart message! aw damn....doc says my reality and existence lab work was wayyy off so she's referring me to an Ontologist