maybe it’s been asked before, but i wonder how to spot the difference between infp and isfj? i have a friend who insists she uses fe on account of her people-pleasing tendencies, but i feel like she is a rather limbic infp….. who knows. i know not even my own type
it's been a while since i've engaged in typology, so i apologize for the rustiness & possible inaccuracies...
people-pleaser infp vs isfj
before I answer this question, it's important to note that any mbti can have insecurities, therefore any mbti can be a people-pleaser.
an infp would be a people pleaser for a couple of reasons. one could be a sense of obligation to be kind and friendly. maybe people-pleasing makes them look like a good friend or coworker, and they value appearing amicable (likely for ulterior motives, after all it could be helpful in the future). if you were to ask them, they might say it's simply a good thing to be helpful and nice.
another could also just be simple avoidance of conflict. when you say "limbic," my mind automatically goes towards an infp 4 even though a people-pleasing tendency is more indicative of an infp 9.
in a disagreement (let's say the other person has a differing opinion), rather than being confrontational the people-pleasing infp will silently nod their head. even in a group setting, they will simply stay quiet and remove any input. i wouldn't say they suddenly are active to agree, but rather attempt to escape the conversation, feel less stressed, or move on to another topic.
it's hurtful to themselves to have to argue/fight with someone, and to avoid discomfort they will detach entirely.
i could envision the infp getting tired of this habit at some point. they feel anxious if they people-please, but also feel anxious when they don't. maybe they cancel plans last minute or avoid responding to texts entirely.
an isfj only feels comfortable in their inner world when their outer world is peaceful. they will be much more "attentive" than an infp, and do actions that are 'self-sacrificial,' if you will.
THIS IS NOT TO SAY that the isfj is always people-pleasing, as much as they are stereotyped to be. isfjs can still have boundaries and be comfortable displeasing others.
isfjs are similar to infps in that they want to be the "good friend" or "good coworker" or "good ___." unlike the infp, they do this to remove stress (not because they believe it will benefit them in some way).
an isfj will tell you it's "the right thing to do," but in reality it's a role, position, and duty they've grown to fit into.
compared to the infp who will be somewhat indifferent, the isfj will actively validate the other persons feelings (regardless of what they internally believe). you might catch on that I'm referring to an isfj 9 in particular.
the isfj would laugh at unfunny jokes because they feel bad for the other person, and simply seek to lighten the mood or include them. they might apologize even in situations where they are not even in the wrong.
as I said with the infp, the isfj will get tired of this habit too. unlike the infp, instead of withdrawing they'll build frustration. feeling like sometimes their boundaries are overstepped, I can see them also build a sense of resentment. they'll still engage in people-pleasing, but instead sigh a bit more heavily when they have too.
they'll make lighthearted excuses to avoid performing certain tasks (to keep the atmosphere light, but to try and be somewhat defensive)
"okayyy, I will ___ for you 😔" - and then go complain to others
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