MissJessAwesome

if you use potholders how will you ever build up the calluses necessary to pick up scalding hot metal without burning yourself so severely? it’s like you’re not even trying to get better

I mean, my mother uses potholders, but she’s in her 70s. You’re just… too YOUNG to be resorting to potholders at your age.

If you start using potholders, your inability to hold hot metal will only get worse.

As a professional cook I was, and still am, able to pick most stuff up out of an oven without a pot holder. I might get blisters and maybe it will hurt, but usually it won’t

today Meatball abruptly realized that there are refugee office plants in the kitchen (they have been there for weeks) and has decided his singular purpose in life is to eat them 

we put up a 4 foot tall step-through baby gate when we brought the plants home, but it turns out he can actually squeeze his body through the bars. not in a dignified way, mind you. but he can 

we have foiled him with a two-gate system: a short one with small openings that he can’t squeeze through, and the tall one that he can’t jump over. he is now sitting outside our kitchen door rattling the gates with his stupid little mitten hands like an animated ghost prisoner in a Spirit Halloween decoration 

update: we underestimated him

is this the same Meatball with the Hanukkah sweater????

tiny accountant harasses human, eats plants

i mean he has to find some way to unwind from his high-pressure job 

So how do you guys… get in there anymore?

well my original game plan was opening the white gate and kind of shoving my body through the gap between the wood gate and the grey gate and i am excited to announce that this was not a good idea at all

update: was woken up at 7 AM this morning by Meatball repeatedly taking a running leap at the gates, bouncing off the top one, and then sitting on the floor outside the kitchen beeping confusedly 

this is our current game plan. stay tuned

please continue to give us updates this is the funniest post on this site

doing well with the gates + towel as of 05/07/2020

Why is the cat not allowed to go anywhere?

he is free to go literally anywhere else in my home except the room temporarily housing plants that will kill him. i cannot apologize sincerely enough for this egregious animal abuse