your local cryptid

- TRASH BLESSINGS -

A series of pieces based off of common urban fauna with the aim of reminding people of traits in them we could all do well emulating sometimes, and celebrating the ability of nature to carve out a place in any environment.

Interested in seeing these on patches or pins? Please send me a message! If there’s enough interest, I’ll look into the cost of having them made.

The Honey Island Swamp monster is a legendary hominid cryptid reported to have been seen in Honey Island Swamp, Louisiana, since 1963.The creature is described as bipedal, 7 feet tall, with gray hair and yellow or red eyes, and accompanied by a disgusting smell. Footprints supposedly left by the creature have four webbed toes.

The first claimed sighting was in 1963 by Harlan Ford, a retired air traffic controller who had taken up wildlife photography. After his death in 1980, a reel of Super 8 film showing the creature was allegedly found among his belongings.

Pisces + Pancakes

Cancer + Croissant

Aquarius + Orange Juice

A few bad apples spoil the barrel. If you put a rotting apple in with three dozen good ones, every adjacent apple will be rotting within days. “A few bad apples” does NOT mean “we have a good barrel but, oh well, sometimes bad things happen.” “A few bad apples” means “Our entire organism is rotting from the inside out, triggered by the actions of a few and perpetuated by the natural processing of the whole.” When you say “we had a few bad apples” your next words had BETTER be “we excised them, quickly and permanently, and checked the remaining ones to make sure they’re still good.”

holy oh my goodness vanilla scented MOTHERFCUKER

The actual meaning of ‘don’t let one apple spoil the bunch’ is:  “REMOVE THE FEW BAD APPLES BEFORE THEY SPOIL THE BUNCH.” 

The idiom was never meant to defend the bad apples. You absolutely can judge a barrel by its few bad apples. There is no room for bad apples. 

Meaning that if an organization, business, etc. is found to be doing corrupt things, then it’s the boss’s fault. Period. To mix our idioms, here: it’s the boss’s responsibility to get rid of those rotten apples as soon as possible, and if they don’t, than the boss is condoning that behavior, and encouraging it, and spreading it faster (Also: it was the boss who decided hiring those bad apples was okay to do in the first place).

• Have quilts instead of blankets or comforters

• Have an indoor garden or an outdoor garden to tend to

• Make jellies and baked goods and give to your neighbors

• Decorate your yard with bird baths, bird houses, gnomes, toadstool decorations, frog decorations, little benches, mailboxes, etc.

• Kindle firewood at night when it gets chilly

• Garden vegetables tend to them and have a pond with fishes in it that you can feed and take care of

• Wear flannel shirts, big flowy dresses, overalls, jeans, yellow T-shirts, and buttons

• Buy canned foods and preserves from a food pantry

• Can your own foods

• Dry your clothes on a clothing line and do your laundry in the stream

• Make pies and home cooked meals for supper

An old, well-worn sofa, loveseat or chair draped in blankets (quilts, comforters, whatever)

Throw pillows on everything. Not modern ones either. You need soft squishy ones that you really want to use. 

Rugs that have seen the passage of time. 

Shawls

Tables draped with shawls and other things with fringe

old chests in random places

teapots and teacups

trivets

okay, most of these are indoors because outdoors in currently 100 degrees and we should stay indoors until that stops.