Ham;

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!

“Your days are numbered” yeah it’s called a calendar you fucking idiot.

badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird

Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence

curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees

This post is like a fucking rosetta stone I've had the same theme song tagged in at least 6 languages so far

I lowkey hate when programs talk to me in a friendly way. "don't worry, nearly there!" Shut up. It should say "loading 64.3% completed. Do not turn off device" and absolutely nothing else. You arent my friend you are computer. Act like it

I am a GUEST and I do not DESERVE to use the good normal cups, I may only use the worst cup you have

Counterpoint, I am a guest and I DESIRE to use the WORST possible cup I can find that you have hidden away

My mother keeps the nicest drinking glasses in the cupboards that have the glass front panels, so that they’re easy for guests to see, and it ends up hilarious because it looks like such a Display Case for Fancy Stuff type setup that without fail, everyone she knows well enough to have visit her will go straight past the pretty drinking glasses so as not to mess them up and open the next cupboard which contains ugly mugs and weird spares and end up drinking out of like, faded Winnie the Pooh sippie cups, or the ancient soup mug that’s shaped like a rooster.

oh, of course. because he died for our sins.

i was gonna say “wow, they’re really pushing the came back wrong trope because buffy keeps repeating the exact phrase” until i googled and realise the phrase “came back wrong” literally originates from buffy. this show is like the modern shakespeare

happy pride month to this post specifically