you want to be mommy’s adjective noun, don’t you, pet name? you want to verb and verb for mommy like a good gender
you want to be mommy's weird potato, don't you, Brian? you want to skip and somersault like a good jester
styofa doing anything
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@ancientnapdragon
you want to be mommy’s adjective noun, don’t you, pet name? you want to verb and verb for mommy like a good gender
you want to be mommy's weird potato, don't you, Brian? you want to skip and somersault like a good jester

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so this knight came to my wizard's tower one day and asked me to cast a spell that would allow him to take his beloved princess' hand in marriage. pretty typical this kind of wish, and i had just the spell. a combo of "turn person into a royal" and "transform appearance to match romantic ideal", easy. he paid handsomely for it too, so how can i says no?
turns out his princess is a lesbian and nobody knew, so when i cast the spell it made him into a beautiful princess. she asked for a refund right away and begged me (cryin', held me at swordpoint) to turn her back, but i says to her, i says, "The die has already been cast, and your fate is now sealed!" which is my way of sayin' "no refunds".
turns out, bein' a princess weren't so bad for her and she was able to take her sweet and beloved princess' hand in marriage. seems like everything worked out.
but then, surprise of my life, they both show up to my tower and my spell was undone. some dark sorcerer shithead (some kinda sketchy royal adviser who wanted to usurp the throne, a million like 'im) had removed my enchantments and turned our princess back into a knight. but she didn't want to be a man no more and asked me to redo the spell. gladly i changed her back in exchange for fuckin' up this sorcerer shmuck, (could be a threat to my business, you see) gave 'er an enchanted sword an everything. to my shock, the other princess takes the sword and vows to get this guy for me.
now i got all this guy's magic shit and good graces for life with the queens of the land, plus the best advertisement money can't buy. "yes, i am in fact That wizard from the story of the princess knight!" classic.
anyway, all that to say, no i ain't changin' yous back. you'll be mommy's pretty little maid and you'll like it.
just wanna say i am a big fan of this trope specifically

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More fanarts for "Dance in the Dusk" by @sareyen!!!!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/64877248/chapters/166749796 I just read the new chapter and it gave me brain bugs about this master and disciple pair again. It's a fic of Shen Yuan as Shen Jiu's demonic cultivator shizun Wu Yanzi btw. PLEASE GO READ IT. IT IS SO GOOD.
ah any disciple thrown at SY is going to end up with some kind of weird shizun complex aren't they. LBH dodged the bullet just for SJ to take it like a train in this fic.
Why are you using chatgpt to get through college. Why are you spending so much time and money on something just to be functionally illiterate and have zero new skills at the end of it all. Literally shooting yourself in the foot. If you want to waste thirty grand you can always just buy a sportscar.
I’m really starting to think you people don’t understand what university is for. You’re buying the accreditation that you can do these things. It doesn’t matter how you do them.
I can assure you if you're going to school to be an xray tech or a surgical assistant it does very much matter how you do the stuff your accreditation says you can do. We aren't all business majors.
Yes, but you actually can’t do an X-ray without an X-ray machine and you can’t do surgery without scalpels. We already rely on technology for everything. Offloading cognitive tasks just frees us up to do more. If you can do your job with chatgpt, but can’t without, you can still do your job. I’m sure you would find university much much harder without access to google or the internet too.
Do you think scalpels are magic and do a little song and dance and perform the surgery themselves like Beauty and the Beast characters and the surgeon is there to conduct the background music
What do you think will happen when your employer, who hired you because they saw you have a certificate to say that you have specific skills and knowledge, starts expecting you to have and use those skills and knowledge and you can't because you think a university degree is just a piece of paper that you buy
"Offloading cognitive tasks just frees us up to do more"
When you're in school, the cognitive tasks are there for the explicit purpose of being brain exercises. It's weightlifting. It is FOR building your mental muscles and making you a stronger thinker and planner. "Offloading the cognitive tasks", then, is just Not Doing The Weightlifting. What happens when you pay for your gym membership and just stand around messing around on your phone? Nothing. Nothing happens. Just money leaving your wallet. Nothing else.
Using AI is a short term pleasure that is going to fuck you over in the long term, and by the time you realize that you didn't build the necessary muscles you need for the cognitive tasks required of your ACTUAL JOB (or, like, adult life in general), it's going to be too late to do anything about it... except going back and doing the real work all over again to get you up to speed.
And if your response as a college student is "Ugh i'm already good at this though, i don't need the practice" -- sweetie, you have no idea how good at it you could be though. If you're good at it now but you keep working on it, you're going to ASTONISH yourself in a couple years with how good at it you can get. I was a good writer when I was in college; I am an ASTRONOMICALLY better writer now, because I put in the work. But you have to lift the weights and build your muscles to get there, even when it's tedious. There aren't any shortcuts for this. You can be content with your own mediocrity, or you can believe that you're capable of growing towards brilliance. Which one will you choose, mediocrity or brilliance? You get to pick right now.
I’m a Surgical Assistant and that ChatGPT stan pissed me off so I’ll use my job as an example. 90% of our job as surgical assists comes down to memorizing the names and usages of the thousands of unique instruments and equipment and sutures involved in surgery as well as having the critical thinking skills to anticipate the needs and expectations of the surgeons we work with. That’s a “cognitive load” that cannot be pawned off on a computer. If I relied on ChatGPT to tell me what instruments to have ready for a case, it would create a composite of what the most likely instruments to be used in a given surgery and assuming that it’s even accurate, it would be effectively useless if my surgeon didn’t use any of those because each doctor is different. Surgeons get pissed off if you give them the wrong diameter size suture, so why would I rely on a soulless algorithm to tell me what my surgeon wants? And if I’m not figuring out for myself what they may need based off my own learning and not machine learning then why am I even there? There’s a reason robotic surgery still requires a surgical assistant and a surgeon to operate the robot, technology is an easement not a replacement for human labor and in college learning is the labor you should be doing.
A common thread with ChatGPT simps seems to be that they truly believe all labor is as easy as their cushy middle management jobs in the tech industry. “Buying an accreditation” might work there but can you imagine someone in the medical field not actually knowing the subject they’re licensed or accredited to know? I’ll give you a hint: the word we typically use is malpractice.
I would also like to add as somone who did a one degree about 10 years ago when academia was just startingto make the switch from fully physical to full online, it is entirely possible to do a degree without really using the Internet or Google. You turn up to lectures, you collect the reading list, you go to the library, you find the book you need on the shelf, you take it and several others back to whatever desk you're working at and the you read them and make notes (I made notes on a PC but plenty of people in my group used paper notes pads), you critically evaluate the information amd decide whether or not to include it in your assessments. No Google required, it's not that fucking hard.
Let me introduce you all to the building trades concept of "buying your book."
A "book" is (a slightly outdated beyond this specific topic) term for your union card, which states that you're a member in good standing of your local/union and ostensibly means that you have the coinciding skills that go with the title of journeyworker or apprentice or whatever. Typically, to become a journeyman, you serve an apprenticeship (usually 5 years) and then have to take a test of some sort to prove you've acquired all the necessary skills to earn the qualification. The card/book is the proof that you have a basic level of competency.
Sometimes though certain locals, usually in the South or other places where right-to-work or similar attitudes are stronger, will "sell books," which is to say they will allow people who either haven't served an apprenticeship or passed a skills test to buy their card so that they may work on union jobs.
There's a myriad of reasons and reasonings on why a local might do this, but on the ground, it means that if I'm on a big job, anyone from areas or locals that have a reputation for selling books is automatically assumed to be under-qualified. This sucks, because I've known plenty of badass hands from Southern Locals, but because they come from book-selling locals, they had to overcome that stigma. To an extent, this whole thing is self-regulating because if you bought a book and can't hack it, you only come to a travel job once before they will never invite you back, but it is a constant source of sand in the gears for the whole labour management process.
Anyway, learning is important and faking learning WILL bite you in the ass if you have any desire to exist in the world in a meaningful way.
So I thought y'all would like this too This great white comes to the jersey shore every year and this year they named her and have been tracking her hella so this is Mary Lee and she decided to show herself under this rainbow for pride month A true gay icon
#This is the representation I’ve been looking for
What if Shen Yuan, instead of being trasmigrated into Shen Qingqiu, was reborn into an infant much earlier in the timeline of PIDW?
In the spring of the same year as Shen Jiu is born, Shen Yuan wakes up as the infant son of an Army General.
He hates it. Infants have no dignity, and new layers of Shen Yuan's already thin face shave off with every diaper change and feeding. So! To stave off the growing cracks in his mental state, he starts focusing on the world around him.
As an infant, he figures he must be in some hacks half-assed historical fantasy or something. At three years of age, he decides that, more likely, it's some sort of Wuxia-Xianxia mix with an emphasis on...well, he's not entirely sure, but there's a lot of hidden politics his military family has to deal with, so. Maybe it's something like Game of Thrones?
It isn't until he’s started being taught military strategy and how to read that he starts seeing familiar names. After all, what are the chances of all four Cultivation Clans of PIDW being named in one book?
So.
So...
Yeah, no. Shen Yuan loses his shit.
Some time later (much, much later), Shen Yuan has the wherewithal to start scouting around. The good news is, he's several years away from the start of PIDW's plot, and even more before he would have to worrying about the Realms Merger Luo Binghe would wrought upon them all.
The bad news is that he may not even have to worry about any of that; because while the land Shen Yuan's family currently lives on is at peace, it's tentative at best, and Shen Yuan is next in line to be General of the Nation's army.
--
Many years later, Luo Binghe is ten years old, slowly traveling from town to town on his way to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, when he meets what he would later realize is the love of his life.
Walking a well-used path between towns, his bad luck had caught up with him when a young master in a carriage took exception to the sight of him and, as young masters always did, decided to harass and bully the poor defenseless child in their sight line. Lou Binghe was just starting to regret ever being born when he hears the sounds of hoof beats catching up to their position.
"Make way!" A stern voice shouts. "Make way for the Army!"
The young master's party tries, but their master is prideful and a fool, and thus refuses. It turns out the young master is of some higher rank (with nothing better to do than cause trouble) and so the moment he is told to move, he digs his feet in. A confrontation starts.
Binghe tries to subtly scuttle away, but he's grabbed before he can go far and thrown to the ground between the two parties- used as a scapegoat for why the young master is being so obstinate. He knows- from years of watching servants take the fall- that the next few minutes are likely to hurt real bad.
But then the clouds part, and under a ray of gentle light, a voice calls out amongst the army men. Binghe dares glance up, just in time to see the rugged men part for another man on horseback.
He's different from the others. Oh, he had the build, the armor, and his hair was tied up tight in a bun, making him seemingly indistinguishable from the others, but there was something there that called all eyes to him. A silent assurance, or maybe just a quiet gravity.
Binghe feels himself fill with cautious awe.
"Why have we stopped? What is the issue?"
"Apparently this child is blocking the road." The leading soldier informed.
"That's right, this little runt refused to move for his superiors! The Master will not be moving until some proper respect is beaten into him!"
The man on horseback turns to him then. All awe dies. Binghe's heart sinks. There is a cold analysis in that gaze, and-
No. No, wait. Even as Binghe's heart fell...did those eyes gain a hint of warmth?
"I see." The man speaks. "So a single lost child is enough to ruffle the young master's feathers like this? How great your house must have fallen, that it cannot ignore a single slight from an orphaned boy."
The young master seethes, "You-!"
The man turns to the leading soldiers, cutting him off with a swift order- "Move Them," -then in a smooth, well-practiced move, swings off his horse and lands in the dirt with a gentle, heavy thud.
Binghe watches him with eyes wide- and getting wider as he approaches Binghe's kneeling self and drops to bended knee right in front of him.
"You've found some trouble, child."
Ah! A scolding! Binghe's cheeks flush with shame, his wide stare dropping to his hands. "This lowly one is sorry! This lowly one did not mean to cause trouble for you-"
"Stop. I'm not criticizing you." A warm hand lands on his head, and Binghe nearly gasps aloud. "What's your name? Where are you going?" A small pause. "You've been injured; let me bandage that for you."
For the next little while, Binghe basks in the care of a total stranger. He tells his name, his life story, and for the first time since his mother's death, feels as if he is really and truly being seen.
"Cang Qiong, huh?" The man, plain and indistinguishable from any other soldier at first appearance- oh, but Binghe will never forget his face now. He stares at the man's features as long as he dares, determined to memorize every line and scar and out of place strand of hair. "I can't take you all the way there, but if you don't mind sharing a horse and promise to hide if trouble comes knocking, I see no reason we can't take you a town close by."
Forget memories, he needs to know this man's name now!!
--
He shares a horse with the man (Shen Yuan!). Others offer, but for the second time in Binghe's life, he dares to hide behind someone's legs and clings to the man's pants. (It was entirely impulse, and he scolded himself for it viciously, but Shen Yuan- proving Binghe's mother right that there are kind people in the world still- laughed. Laughed!)
Binghe had never ridden a horse before, but Shen Yuan was so kind. He taught him how to get on, helped him up the entire way, guided him on the best way to sit and hold the resigns; and when Shen Yuan climbed up himself, Binghe didn't feel nervous about their closeness at all.
In fact, an hour into the ride, Binghe fell into a light doze. He couldn't help it. Shen Yuan was warm and sturdy, and Binghe was small and tired. It was bound to happen, and he only woke up when new sounds reached his ears.
When camp was made, Shen Yuan shared his food with him. When it was time to sleep, he didn't mind that Binghe clung to his side and refused to go anywhere else. When Binghe got scared to relieve himself in the forest at night, Shen Yuan would sigh, pat his head, and say "Alright, I'll go with you. But only the once, got it?" And Binghe would happily agree; but by that point they both knew if Binghe asked, Shen Yuan would indulge him. A week of this, and even the other soldiers would tease them for becoming "father and child on the way to war."
Traveling through towns was the best, though. Shen Yuan told the best stories, and when he saw things in the markets or food in the stalls, he would point at them and tell Binghe stories of "that time I ripped some drunk a new one for messing with a girl," and "when I was younger I accidentally broke my mother's prized necklace and spent the next month trying to hide it from her."
They couldn't really stop in town, but at one point Shen Yuan decided to wait until they'd made camp and eaten before taking Binghe on the speediest ride back into town of his life- and all to get him a bath and change of clothes.
A bath! A warm, clean bath! And he wasn't weird about it at all, like some of the street kids told him adults could be! He even bought Binghe's new clothes with his own personal coin! (It wasn't new, and the colors were a little faded, but it was clean and sturdy and bought just a little bigger than Binghe's size- but most importantly, it was His! His, and a gift from the man who was quickly becoming his favorite person!)
All in all, Binghe- oh, Binghe didn't want to leave Shen Yuan at all!
And then he overheard it.
It was a town close to Binghe's last shared destination with Shen Yuan. The townsfolk were quieter there, and when they saw the soldiers, they all murmured and stared as they passed, quiet and solemn. Like the wake of a funeral.
Binghe tentatively called up to Shen Yuan, unnerved.
"Hm?" He followed Binghe's eyes, sighed, and pat his head. "Don't worry, Binghe. They're just worried."
Later in camp, Binghe asked more about it; and that's when he learned what an Army was. Really learned.
"You could die?"
The firelight made odd shadows on Shen Yuan's face, but for a second Binghe thought he saw somberness settle there.
"That's right."
"Why?" Binghe asked- and he knew he shouldn't, but a new fear had grown in him and the image of Shen Yuan cold and still on a battlefield, injured so bad he died, all alone without Binghe there to help- oh, it made his little heart tremble and made his eyes burn with tears.
"Orders from our dearest Emperor," another soldier chimed in, poking their fire with a stick. Shen Yuan called his name in a scolding tone, but another soldier cut in just as quickly.
"You see, the mortal realm's Emperor decided fighting with our neighbors was better than brokering peace."
Shen Yuan tried to scold him too, but Binghe beat him to it with another "Why?"
"Enough. Binghe does not need to hear-"
Another man- one that spoke to Shen Yuan frequently with information and questions- stepped in then. "Captain, he of all people needs to hear. You'll be parting soon, doesn't he have the right to know why you might not meet again?"
And Binghe learned. He learned that the current Emperor of the mortal realm was recently instated. That he was young and tyrannical and bore no insult, no matter if insult was meant or had ever existed in the first place. Executions were plentiful, relations with old neighboring allies were failing, negotiations with opposing neighbors were falling apart, and in fact the only person here in this camp that had come out of any sort of willingness was Shen Yuan, as the son of a General. The others had been enlisted very much against their will with little expectation to make it out alive, let alone gain anything from their misery.
Why? Because the Emperor had perceived insult from an envoy negotiating peace, had them locked up, and when the country they came from refused to apologize for some imagined slight, the Emperor had lost it and had the envoy executed before the whole capital.
Binghe had never hated someone before, but now, knowing that it would be on this man's orders that his Shen Yuan could die...
"Let me come with you."
The soldiers laughed at him. It wasn't mean-spirited, just sad and knowing, and Binghe understood even if he didn't like it. What would a ten year old do on the battlefield? Die, that's what.
Shen Yuan pulled him over into his arms before Binghe could really start crying, sitting him in his lap and rocking him side to side.
"It'll be alright. Even if I do die, I won't go."
"You won't?" Binghe hiccups into his chest. His small arms cling to Shen Yuan's sides, and Shen Yuan holds him almost exactly how his mama used to.
"Of course not. Binghe wants me to stay, so how could I die?"
There's a smattering of laughs behind him, and Binghe pouts. "Don't joke!"
"Not joking, not joking," Shen Yuan soothes with lightness in his voice- definitely laughing then! "I'm very serious. The most serious. Binghe doesn't want me to go, so even if I die, I'll stay and wait for Binghe to find me; how does that sound?'
Binghe sniffles, "Sounds good."
"Good. Then it's a deal: as long as Binghe wants me, I won't move on to the next life. I'll wait right where I fell, I promise."
Binghe would prefer a promise to live, but even he knew that wasn't one a person could keep. Atleast this way, even if Shen Yuan wasn't alive, Binghe could still keep him. Maybe...maybe he could even find a way to bring him back? If cultivation magic was real and demons walked amongst mortals, then why not bringing back the dead?
--
Their parting isn't happy in that final town. Everyone knew Binghe had to go. Binghe knew he had to go. Yet, when Binghe looked up at Shen Yuan, he could see the soldier struggling with himself. His hold on Binghe's hand was firm, and it tightened when Binghe adjusted his hand inside it before finally letting go.
Just like the first time they met, Shen Yuan moves to kneel before him.
"You'll be safe? Stay out of trouble? Cang Qiong isn't far; if you're scared, I can take you the rest of the way..."
Binghe shakes his head. "You can't. The Emperor won't like it."
Shen Yuan purses his lips. Binghe likes to think he knows the man very well now, and so he swears he can almost hear Shen Yuan say "Damn the Emperor!" in his mind. It makes him smile.
The soldier moves on. "Food then? Water? Do you have enough? Should I give you coin for an Inn? A bath might be good if you want to make a good first impression on Cang Qiong."
"The boy will be fine, Captain. You've given him everything he'll need. If you give anymore, you'll end up giving him half our supplies and go broke."
Binghe and Yuan both pout at the man: Binghe, for interrupting their goodbye, and Shen Yuan for denying his need to care for (spoil) Binghe with his Logic. Still, the logic was sound. Binghe had to convince Shen Yuan not to give him his entire coin pouch as a parting gift.
(Binghe loves this man. He's too young to know what kind of love it is at the moment, but when he's fifteen and discovering the existence of romance for the first time, he'll think back on these long weeks with Shen Yuan and Know.)
It takes awhile for Shen Yuan to drag himself away. Binghe doesn't even try to put distance between them, watching Shen Yuan mount his horse like- like a man off to war.
The procession leaves slowly, each soldier yelling out their own farwell as they pass. Binghe waves to them as they call, but his eyes cling to Shen Yuan, not wanting to miss a second.
Shen Yuan glances back frequently over his shoulder. Their eyes meet more than once, and each time Binghe feels a jolt in his heart. Will Shen Yuan turn around? Will he take him with him after all?
He never does. Eventually the soldiers take a turn on the path and disappear behind the trees.
Alone, Binghe makes his way to Cang Qiong Mountain.
--
There's a phrase he hears on Qing Jing that doesn't quite process until he’s knee deep in the demon realm, amassing power at an alarming rate: "A General must follow an Emperor."
Now, sitting on a throne under the roof of a Palance that belongs solely to him, he thinks, "If Shen Yuan must swear fealty, let it be to someone who will never send him to his death pointlessly- or send him to his death at all."
Luo Binghe: I mean I'm already Emperor of one realm... I could totally do both...and then Shen Yuan would follow me...

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The levels of traditional Chinese architecture by 扇子有画
I am always saying this!
HOW DOES ONE "ACCIDENTALLY" BECOME EMPEROR?
BY BEING A DISGUSTING TRAITOR WHO LETS HIS CONVICTS ESCAPE, AND INSTEAD OF SUBMITTING TO EXECUTION LIKE A GOOD QIN DYNASTY CITIZEN, HE DECIDES TO FREE THE REST, AND LEAD THEM IN A REBELLION AGAINST THE STATE!!!!
this is a call out post for @emperor-gaozu-of-han!!! liu bang is nothing but a traitorous PEASANT who is totally UNQUALIFIED for the role of EMPEROR. he might have hoodwinked the uneducated masses with his tax breaks, exemptions of corvée labour, making peace with the xiongnu, and founding China's first gold age ect ect but I expect my LOYAL MINISTERS to know better!
.That Judge Judy Pussy grip insane. You be calling her Judith on the second stroke.
My grip will rip your junk off, chew it up, and spit it back at you.
you either deactivate young or live long enough to see a mirror dimension version of your account kill indiscriminately on the dashboard
Imagine how I feel
sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here
Is it licking boots?
because of sexual desires i will not disclose here.
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you're welcome

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genius. it creates energy clones of itself to gather resources, while the main body stays alert and safe. and if i attack, it can simply swap bodies with one of its clones
'why do ur lesbian ocs need condoms?'
bsky replies: its not uncommon for some tops to put condoms on the strap because its still possible to transmit std's. also it could just be a joke and shes just doing it cuz shes bisexual or something and has them lying around maybe and its funny cuz they dont need them?
tumblr replies: 'because bia has a massive cock'
just saw someone say 'well trans woman are infertile so they wouldnt need condoms' and that is so many layers of incorrect i had to sit down lol 💀