Unfortunate truths you can tell people that would help if they could hear what it means and not just what it sounds like
You were the victim, and it wasnโt fair, but itโs over now. Nobody came to save you, and Iโm sorry, but itโs too late for anyone to go back and do it different.
Youโre suffering over something that cannot be resolved. Youโre allowed to feel angry, or outraged, or betrayed, but there will eventually come a time that you donโt feel that so violently anymore, and youโre going to want to have something good left to go back to.
You canโt make anyone love you the way you need to be loved. Thatโs how a lot of good things end. Not with a clear sign, something blocking the road that says โdo not proceedโ, just a splitting of the path thatโs still moving somewhat in the same direction.
You canโt fix them. Nothing you can do will fix them. And if they fix themselves, they canโt do it for you- they have to do it for themselves as well, because otherwise a day may come when theyโre alone, and as long as they live, they are their only true constant. So you can support, and you can encourage, but the hardest part is up to them. And sometimes they canโt do it even with your help.
Sometimes letting go of someone feels like mourning at their funeral before theyโve died, and every time you see them after itโs like talking to a ghost that doesnโt know itโs dead. Sometimes that happens. Youโll both still wake up tomorrow anyways.
I understand that youโre afraid, and that youโre afraid for good reasons. And I understand that being brave isnโt as easy as just turning that fear off, and you would if you could in a heartbeat. But the thing is, as long as that fear is able to dictate your choices, it will have power over you. If you donโt believe you can try to fight it, if you accept that it will always be in charge, you let the frightening thing stay present in your life. It will exist as long as you stay paralyzed. And that sounds cruel, but it isnโt something anyone can fix for you.
The person you may let yourself become after experiencing the terrible thing may very well grow into a much bigger, much more terrible thing, and someday it will swallow the first terrible thing whole. And all that will be left is something far worse for someone else. And you will not be able to shrink it down by explaining where it came from, because terrible things that are dead and gone are never as terrible as terrible things that are alive right now in front of you.
No matter how much or how little I love you, I still do not have the ability to help you the way you need to be helped. I might be the helper you want, but I am not a helper you can get. If you are to be helped at all, you will need to accept that it will come from someone else.
