"I may be crazy but that don’t make me wrong." - Marsha P. Johnson
Free Palestine!
[Header ID: a screenshot of Kayano Mikoto (榧野尊) in the MeMe music video from MILGRAM. He has brown hair with dyed blonde ends, and he is sitting on a green couch with his hands in his lap, smiling while singing at the camera.
Avatar ID: official art of Sakurai Haruka (櫻井遥) from MILGRAM from the collaboration with FavoteriA. He has blue hair with a flower crown and is smiling.]
We're a polyfragmented system and use both 'we/us' and 'I/me' to refer to ourselves.
We're developmentally, physically, and mentally disabled + deaf. We're Australian, Italian (specifically Neapolitan), English, and have South African and Zimbabwean heritage.
We support systems of all kinds and all LGBTQIA+ identities!!
Sometimes we'll be pretty childish on this blog, but sometimes we'll be kinky and horny. (Yes, we are an adult –_–). We often forget to tag warnings, so if you're uncomfortable with that, it's probably best to block us.
We use tone tags occasionally, but not consistently. If you want us to use tone tags when talking to you, please just ask! Also if we stop using tone tags for you, it's not intentional, it's just because we forgot. /genuine.
Tag for original posts: #♡
"어제도 내일도 나에겐 없는거야. It’s this moment, or no!"
Boundaries/guide for interacting with us:
If we're experiencing (a) delusion(s), please reality check us (politely).
If you think you know us IRL, please don't interact.
Do not directly message me without my explicit permission (exception: it's fine if we message you first, obviously lol)
Ask before tagging us in something (exception: headmates tagging other headmates + specific mutuals can tag us). Tagging stresses us out.
"I don't know why I am the way I am."
Heishi:
I'm the host and, to be clear, Heishi is not my real name.
I'm transmasc (he/him) and currently confused about my sexuality.
I'm a cinephile and my favourite actor is Millicent Simmonds. I fucking love her, she's so cool and amazing and she's the first Deaf actor I've ever seen. She was AMAZING in A Quiet Place, and even better in the sequel! As an aspiring Deaf actor myself, I really look up to her.
I love music so much! My favourite artists rn are boygenius, DECO*27, and Destroy Boys. My favourite song is Not Strong Enough by boygenius.
I ADORE MILGRAM by DECO*27. Kayano Mikoto (榧野尊) is my favourite character and Sakurai Haruka (櫻井遥) is my second favourite :D [smile].
Feel free to ask me questions about myself or our system! I love talking about myself lol.
"An ego set alight. A stray boy, justified. This life is mine!"
Links & our other blogs:
Folklore: @stood-on-the-cliffside-screaming
Star & headmates who don't front often enough to need their own blog: @stars-cool-blog
Star's build-a-headmate blog: @stars-bah
Emoji blog: @primadonna-emojis
Vent blog for Deaf and disabled people: @deaf-and-disabled-vents
Disability sideblog: @disabled-primadonna
Disability shout outs: @disability-shout-outs
Sideblog for our work-in-progress Magical Girl series: @primadonna-magical-girl
[ID: a banner of a collage of Till from Alien Stage. It is mostly red and black, with some white, grey, and pink. Among pieces of official art of Till, there is also the Sex Pistols' symbol, a skeleton, black and white spirals, and bits of news articles on punk, including one that reads "ARE YOUR KIDS TURNING PUNK? "Punk Rock" is today's angry attack on society. What will you do if your kids turn punk?" End ID]
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Over 100 million children are homeless and/or on the streets.
[PT: Over 100 million children are homeless and/or on the streets /End PT]
That's the numbers estimated back in 2015, and regardless of whether they've grown or shrunk since then, the issue still remains that there are MILLIONS of minors on the streets.
Homelessness and street survival is an intersecting issue for people of all marginalized groups, and that includes the youth.
Homeless youth are very likely to be sex trafficked and targeted by dangerous people to be groomed into criminal activities or otherwise unsafe practices.
Many homeless youth are runaways, usually trying to escape abusive households.
Note for clarity: "Children" and "kids" throughout this post will be referring to teenagers as well, since minors of all ages are grouped together in these statistics.
---
What is homelessness and street children?
[PT: What is homelessness and street children? /end PT]
Homelessness is defined by a lack of stable housing. This includes living without shelter, in a tent, in a car, in a homeless shelter, couch surfing, or using public locations/transport for shelter.
"Street children" are children who spend a majority of their time on the street due to housing complications. Some of them are not considered "truly homeless", because they technically have a house, but this house is usually inaccessible or unsafe for them, and thus they do not reside in it much, if at all. Usually, they only spend the night there, but the rest of their time is spent outdoors.
When discussing the statistics of both these concepts, I cannot neatly discern between them, because so many of the studies use the statistics interchangeably. Street children have very few distinctions anyways, and thus trying to separate the two is usually not beneficial anyways.
---
What are the statistics of homeless youth and street children around the globe?
[PT: What are the statistics of homeless youth and street children around the globe? /end PT]
Around 30 million children in Africa are homeless/on the street.
There is no overall consensus on how many children in Asia (including The Middle East) as an entirety are homeless/on the street, however it is estimated to be quite high, with individual locations being given statistics (Bangledash having 445,000 homeless/street children, India having 11 million, Pakistan having 1.5 million, Indonesia having over 170,000, Iran having anywhere between 60,000-200,000, the Phillipines having 1.5 million, Turkey having 88,000, etc.)
There is also no overall consensus on how many children in the Oceania are homeless/on the street, however Australia estimates around 76,000, and New Zealand estimates around 33,000.
Around 400,000 children in the EU (European Union) are homeless/on the street. There is no overall consensus on how many children in Europe as a whole (not just the EU) are homeless/on the street, however individual countries also have statistics.
Over 1.2 million children in the USA are homeless/on the street. Over 40,000 children in Canada are homeless/on the street.
Around 40 million children in Latin America are homeless/on the street.
---
What ways do homeless youth and street children suffer?
[PT: What ways do homeless youth suffer? /end PT]
A higher risk of sex trafficking, rape, assault, and kidnapping.
A higher risk of child labor/slavery.
A higher risk of being poisoned or suffering from oral, throat, or gastrointestinal system damage (as malicious people often put poison, razors/glass/sharp objects, and other dangerous things into the food provided to the homeless.)
A higher risk of sexual, reproductive, urogenital, and gastrointestinal disorders/infections.
A higher risk of respiratory disorders.
A higher risk of nutritional disorders, growth disorders, and starvation.
Higher rates of substance use and addictive disorders.
A higher risk of mental health disorders.
Low or no accessibility to hygiene products or showers/bathing (which significantly increases risks of infections and diseases.)
And, of course, a higher likelihood of death and grave injury, due to weather conditions, untreated disease/injuries, hate crimes, overdose, and/or suicide.
---
What about intersectionality? How does that affect homelessness and street survival?
[PT: What about intersectionality? How does that affect homelessness?. /End PT]
Note: Whenever the discussion of employment comes up, we think it is important to remember that:
1- Unemployed adults can have children, and thus, the children in the equation will be effected.
2- Teenagers can also get employed in a majority of locations, and in many countries even minors younger than that, meaning their incomes could be contributing to housing as well.
The most obvious - being low income often risks loss of housing. Hell, being "average income" doesn't even afford housing anymore for most people, in the current financial crisis. Classism and homelessness go hand in hand, and the refusal to provide for the lower class their basic needs is the direct cause of homelessness.
Being a foster kid. Discussion:
Being a foster kid greatly increases the likelihood of homelessness, due to the foster system being notoriously abusive, and not providing minors with the proper funds, stability, and education necessary to survive in life. In the USA alone, 23,000 people age out of foster care a year. 25%-50% of those who age out end up homeless. Now imagine the statistics of that worldwide, of how many people are ending up homeless the moment they turn 18 (or younger, in countries where legal adulthood begins sooner)?
Additionally, minors will often run away from foster homes, because it is unsafe for them there. They wish to escape the abuse. A depressing fact is that a majority of sex trafficked youth are from foster care, usually runaways who were living on the street to avoid abuse.
(You can read our post about the statistics of foster kids here [link.])
Being disabled. (Note: Some of these statistics leave out emotional, behavioral, personality, or other mental disabilities, and also often leave out "small" physical disabilities, so the statistics may actually be higher if all disabilities were included.) Discussion:
We could not find any overall statistics on the intersection of homelessness and disability in Africa and Asia, unfortunately.
However, disabled people in Africa often suffer forced evictions and are more likely to be impoverished, and we did find statistics on specific locations of Asia (ie; 42% of homeless people [including adults] in Nagoya Japan are neuropsychologically disabled, 15% of homeless people [including adults] in Hong Kong are physically disabled, in South Asia 85% of disabled people [including adults] are unemployed which greatly risks homelessness, etc.)
We could not find any overall statistics on the intersection of homelessness and disability in the Oceania as a whole, however we did find statistics in Hawai'i, Australia, and New Zealand. in Hawai'i an estimated 62% of homeless people [including adults] are disabled. In Australia, an estimated 9.5% homeless people [including adults] are disabled, and 8.9% have an unknown disability status. In New Zealand, 4.1% of homeless people (including adults) are disabled.
We could not find any overall statistics on the intersection of homelessness and disability in overall Europe, however in the UK alone, 35-39% of homeless people [including adults] are disabled (and for comparison, only 20-22% of the overall UK population are disabled.)
In Canada, there is no minor-specific statistics for disability, however 50-60% of the overall homeless population (including adults) are disabled.
In the USA, 19% of homeless K-12 [pre-college] students are disabled (and for comparison, only 14% of the overall USA student population is disabled.)
We could not find any overall statistics on the intersection of homelessness and disability in South America as a whole, however in Latin America, disabled kids are 15% more likely to not attend school (and those who do attend are more likely to drop out), which inherently leads to employment issues down the line (and thus, housing issues) Additionally, 1 of every 5 households in extreme poverty houses a disabled person. And in some locations, people with disabilities are more likely to be unemployed (ie; in Argentina 91% of disabled people are unemployed), earn less money in work (ie; in Mexico and Costa Rica, disabled people earn 20% less than their abled peers), and/or have no insurance (in Ecuador, 84% of disabled people have no insurance), which can cause or exacerbate housing issues.
Being queer. Discussion:
In Africa, we could not find any statistics of the overall intersection of being LGBTQIA+ and homelessness, however homelessness is highly reported by LGBTQIA+ people (especially youth.)
We could not find any statistics of the overall intersection of being LGBTQIA+ and homeless in Asia, however we did find a few for individual Asian locations (ie; in Singapore 20% of LGBTQIA+ people [including adults] experience homelessness, in the Philippines 12% of people who are 15-25 are homeless, In Japan 4 in 10 LGBTQIA+ people struggle with housing, in India there is a hidden housing crisis within LGBTQIA+ people, etc.)
We could not find any statistics of the overall intersection of being LGBTQIA+ and homeless in the Oceania, however we did find some statistics for Australia and New Zealand. In Australia, queer-oriented people [including adults] are twice as likely to be homeless than nonqueer-oriented people, and 1 in 5 trans & gender diverse people aged 18-25 suffered homelessness (unfortunately we cannot find a statistics for people younger.) In New Zealand, 2.6% LGBQTIA+ people who are 15 and above are homeless, and unfortunately there is not a clearcut estimate on minors under the age of 15.
In Europe, 17.39% of LGBTQIA+ people [including adults] have been homeless, with 1/3rd of intersex people and 1/4th of trans people being homeless.
In the USA, LGBTQ+ minors are 120% more likely to end up homeless. They make up roughly 30-40% of homeless youth (and for comparison, only 9.5% of the overall population are LGBTQ+)
LGBTQ+ minors of color have an 83% higher risk of homelessness than their white peers. 44% of Indigenous LGBTQ+ youth, 16% of LGBTQ+ Asian & Pacific Islander youth, 27% of Latinx LGBTQ+ youth, 26% of Black LGBTQ+ youth, and 36% of multiracial LGBTQ+ youth have experienced homelessness.
38% of trans girl youth, 39% of of trans boy youth, and 35% of non-binary youth have experienced homelessness (compared to 23% of non-trans & non-gender diverse homeless queer-oriented youth.)
39% of intersex youth have experienced homelessness.
In Canada, 25% of homeless youth are LGBTQIA2S+ (and for comparison, only 5-10% of the overall Canadian population are LGBTQIA2S+.)
We could not find any statistics on the overarching intersection of LGBTQIA+ and homeless in South America, however we did find a few in specific locations (ie; 30-40% of homeless youth in Brazil, 30-35% of homeless youth in Argentina, 30-35% of homeless youth in Colombia, 25-30% of homeless youth in Mexico, 15-25% of homeless youth in Chile, etc)
Being a person of color. Discussion:
We could not find any statistics on the overarching intersection of race and homelessness in the Oceania, however we did find some individual statistics for Hawai'i, Australia, and New Zealand.
In Hawai'i, 28-50% of homeless people [including adults] are Native Hawaiian.
In Australia, 1 in every 3 Indigenous Australian is homeless.
In New Zealand, 31% of homeless people [including adults] are Māori, and 6.6% of Pacific Peoples [including adults] (and for comparison, 17% of the overall New Zealand population are Māori, and 8% are Pacific peoples.)
We could not find any statistics of the overall intersection of homelessness and being a BIPOC, however we did find statistics in the England, Ireland, and the EU specifically. In England, Black people [including adults] are 4x more likely to be homeless than white people. In Ireland, 15% of homeless people [including adults] are Romanian, and 6% are Black.
In the USA, Hispanic high schoolers are 2x more likely to experience homelessness than white highschoolers. Black highschoolers are 2.25x more likely to experience homelessness than white highschoolers.
Black and Hispanic people [including adults] make up 64% of the homeless population. Pacific Islanders [including adults] have the highest rate of homelessness in the USA. Native Americans [including adults] have the second highest rate of homelessness in the USA.
In Canada, 10-30% of homeless youth are Indigenous and 15.4% are Black (and for comparison, 5% of the overall Canadian population are Indigenous, and 4.3% are Black.)
We could not find any statistics of the intersection of race and homelessness in Africa or South America, unfortunately.
Other. Discussion:
In the USA, 17% of English learners (which are usually immigrants) in K-12 [pre-college] school are homeless (and for comparison, 10% of the overall student population are English learners.)
Being in areas of the world subject to war, genocide, political violence, and environmental disaster. Discussion:
16% of the population in Sudan had to flee their homes due to conflict.
90% of Gaza [including adults] are homeless right now.
46% of homeless people [including adults] in Ukraine became homeless due to the invasion costing them their homes.
Venezuelan immigration has led to a disproportionate amount of homeless Venezuelans in South America.
---
Sources
[PT: Sources /End PT]
General:
Trends and dynamics of homelessness in Hong Kong: evidence from population survey in 2015 and 2021
Housing & Homelessness [link]
Global Homelessness Statistics [link]
Street Children - By Country [link]
Street Children and Homelessness [link]
28 Million Children Homeless [link]
Nearly 50 Million Children Uprooted Worldwide [link]
The Truth of Life in Accra (about Africa) [link]
The Health Profile of Street Children in Africa [link]
Street Children in Asia and the Pacific [link]
Street Children of South Asia [link]
5 Facts About Child Homelessness In India [link]
Understanding the Heart of Homelessness In Hawai'i [link]
Strengthening the European Child Guarantee to address Child Homelessness [link]
Statutory Homelessness in England [link]
Shocking Extent of Family and Child Homelessness in Australia [link]
Our Hidden Child Homelessness Problem (New Zealand) [link]
2023 Census Severe Housing Deprivation (Homelessness) Estimates (about New Zealand) [link]
Nationwide, More Children Live in the State of Homelessness than in Most American States [link]
The "Street Children" of Latin America [link]
Student Homelessness: Quick Facts and Resources for Governors (for the USA) [link]
Disabled homelessness sources:
Challenges and Struggles Faced by Persons with Disabilities Across Africa [link]
Forced Evictions and Disability Rights in Africa [link]
Prevalence of Mental Illness, Cognitive Disability, and Their Overlap Among the Homeless in Nagoya, Japan [link]
Trends and Dynamics of Homelessness in Hong Kong: Evidence From Population Survey in 2015 and 2021 [link]
Disability In South Asia [link]
People With Disability in Australia 2024 [link]
Disabled People Are Disproportionately Affected by Homelessness – And Getting support Feels Nearly Impossible (UK) [link]
Invisible Intersections: Disabilities and Homelessness (Europe) [link]
People With Disabilities in Latin America [link]
Disability In Latin America [link]
LGBTQIA+ homelessness sources:
Global Crisis of LGBTQ+ Homeless Youth: A Call for Inclusive Policies and Accurate Data [link]
Safe Homes for African LGBTQ+ Youth [link]
Experiences Of Conflict, Non-Acceptance and Discrimination are Associated with Poor Mental Well-Being Amongst LGBTQ-identified Individuals in Singapore [link]
2024, Philippines National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People [link]
4 in 10 LGBTQ+ People in Japan Still Face Report Housing Barriers [link]
The Hidden Housing Crisis Within India's LGBTQ+ Community [link]
Housing & Homelessness Transhub (Australia) [Link]
Homelessness Australia LGBTIQ+ People [link]
LGBTIQ+ Experiences of Poverty (Australia) [link]
LGBTIQ+ Population of Aotearoa New Zealand: 2023 [link]
Intersections Report: Homelessness (EU) [link]
LGBTQ+ Youth Homelessness (for the USA) [link]
LGBTIQ+ Population of Aotearoa New Zealand: 2023 [link]
LGBTQ+ Youth Homelessness (for the USA) [link]
LGBTQ+ Youth Homelessness & Housing Instability (for the USA) [link]
Intersex Youth Mental Health Report (for the USA) [link]
2SLGBTQ+ and Homelessness (in Canada) [link]
Homeless POC sources:
Paradise for Tourists, a Struggle for Natives: Native Hawaiian Homelessness in the Hawaiian Islands [link]
Out of Sight is Not a Solution (about New Zealand) [link]
Australia National Homelessness Facts [link]
Racism and Racial Inequality Within the Homelessness System Needs Recognition and Action From Government (England) [link]
Homelessness, Race and Ethnicity Research Programme Finds Shocking Evidence of Inequalities (UK) [link]
Census of Population 2022 Profile 6 - Homelessness (Ireland) [link]
Rooted in Trauma: Homelessness in Native Communities (USA) [link]
State of Homelessness 2025 (USA) [link]
Racial Inequalities in Homelessness by the Numbers (USA) [link]
Racism and Homelessness (USA) [link]
Young People of Color Facing Homelessness (USA & Canada) [link]
Aboriginal Homelessness In Canada [link]
Black Communities and Homelessness (in Canada) [link]
Other sources:
Sudan's humanitarian crisis: The facts and figures [link]
Crisis in Gaza: What to Know and How to Help [link]
46% of Those Experiencing Homelessness in Ukraine Lost Their Homes due to Conflict, Report Finds [link]
Four Years of War in Ukraine: Childhood has ‘Moved Underground’, Displacement Continues – UN humanitarians [link]
Ukraine - Street Child [link]
A Latino Learning About Homelessness in Latin America [link]
Venezuela Situation [link]
Venezuelans Sleep in Cars and Under Trees as They Question Where They’ll Live After the Earthquakes [link]
I've lived for a good portion of my life with eczema that's mainly been on my hands; I bring this up here since there was a period of multiple years where it would get really bad every few months since I found it difficult to consistently put medicine on, which resulted in the skin on my hands being very dry, painful (if I scratched at them too much) and visibly kinda scaly-looking. During this time, I'd often get comments like "oh my god, what happened to your hands?!" from both strangers and sometimes even friends. It really bothered me since it costs a grand total of nothing to just.. not be an ass and sound audibly shocked because someone's hands look different? especially since, because they were shocked, they'd often ask kinda loudly. They're just hands could you not
(Disclaimer: I'm a lot better about taking my medicine now, my hands don't hurt at all nowadays and most of the affected areas are doing pretty good as of sending this ask. Some of my hand is scarred from it but I'm okay with this, I just hope people don't comment on it in shock if they notice </3)
This is disfiguremisia. How many times must it be said? Don't bring attention to someone's condition randomly. It's inappropriate, rude, and unnecessary.
having accessible toilets isn't meeting an accessibility goal if those bathrooms aren't maintained. some people treat those spaces with such disrespect that they are filthy and unusable
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having accessible toilets isn't meeting an accessibility goal if those bathrooms aren't maintained. some people treat those spaces with such disrespect that they are filthy and unusable
all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.
One of the best things I've done for myself as a disabled person is get rid of my shame around sitting or laying in weird places. Bathroom floor? Check. Random sidewalk? Check. Lobbies of various professional buildings? So many checks. It is not embarrassing or shameful for me to take care of my body but it is embarrassing for architects and city designers to value appearances over accessibility
you know what, "because i'm in pain" is a good enough reason as any. why do you want to take meds? in pain. why do you wanna cancel? in pain. why didn't you want to talk? in pain. yeah don't be a jerk to everyone you meet and expect them to welcome that. but why were you being a jerk? in pain. it's a reasonable explanation. being in pain should be enough of an explanation. it should be considered an immediate problem that we try to fix as soon as possible instead of expecting the vast majority of people alive to just get on with it.
i understand (on paper) why companies are anti-piracy but its funny when random individuals are also strongly anti-piracy. like how does it negatively affect your life if someone you know downloads a cracked torrent of sims 4. you dont work for EA. EA isnt gonna pay you for this. you lose nothing. its fine. chill out.
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"Ah, ahhh!! Because, I did it for your sake...! Because you would break apart!!"
mannequins already broken apart... different mannequins representing mikoto and potentially other alters. thumbnail mikoto and his weapon have no blood on them.
alters cannot die, but they can split up or go dormant when faced with stress they can't handle.
orekoto has said time and time again that his main and only motive is protecting our host mikoto. if he's been around for a long time, i wonder if he's failed before to protect other alters, and is terrified of it happening again? maybe those mannequins next to him aren't victims, but past headmates who broke apart.
I've never seen ppl mention it before but I'm sure ppl have so I'll just make it a short post, but having Double take place on a train is such a good way of showing Mikoto's dissociation and ignorance. Everyone dissociates on some level, it's a completely normal experience, it's only when this dissociation starts interfering with daily life that it actually becomes a problem. Typical, mild dissociation can happen when someone gets engrossed in their hobbies to the point of losing touch with their surroundings, when going through stressful times, or when going through a routine on autopilot. "Highway hypnosis" is a common name for that last one— specifically for when someone drives a route they normally do, completely zoned out and not remembering a single part of it. Or, in Mikoto's case, this would be him getting on the train to work, zoning out and forgetting the journey, and then getting off the train. Having Double take place on a train is less to do with the murders themselves taking place on a train (we atleast know one murder happened near a train station but its extremely hard to believe 09 killed someone, much less multiple people, on a train without ever getting caught) and more to do with the way Mikoto has completely normalised the dissociation he experiences, conflating the gaps in his memory in which someone else was fronting with the completely normal gaps in a person's memory when they experience typical dissociation.
I've never seen ppl mention it before but I'm sure ppl have so I'll just make it a short post, but having Double take place on a train is such a good way of showing Mikoto's dissociation and ignorance. Everyone dissociates on some level, it's a completely normal experience, it's only when this dissociation starts interfering with daily life that it actually becomes a problem. Typical, mild dissociation can happen when someone gets engrossed in their hobbies to the point of losing touch with their surroundings, when going through stressful times, or when going through a routine on autopilot. "Highway hypnosis" is a common name for that last one— specifically for when someone drives a route they normally do, completely zoned out and not remembering a single part of it. Or, in Mikoto's case, this would be him getting on the train to work, zoning out and forgetting the journey, and then getting off the train. Having Double take place on a train is less to do with the murders themselves taking place on a train (we atleast know one murder happened near a train station but its extremely hard to believe 09 killed someone, much less multiple people, on a train without ever getting caught) and more to do with the way Mikoto has completely normalised the dissociation he experiences, conflating the gaps in his memory in which someone else was fronting with the completely normal gaps in a person's memory when they experience typical dissociation.
Yuno starts compensated dating as a coping mechanism for her feelings of depression and isolation. One of her clients enjoys when she acts as a child, having her wear a middle school uniform. He seems to appear to try and meet with her outside their dates, assumingly having genuinely fallen in love with her and mixing up her work self with her real self. Yuno struggles with this, because her innocent, pure work self is an act, and views her real self very negatively, as someone depressing and cold to others.
Yuno becomes more drained and cold in her later dates, either due to her coping mechanism not being a very reliable one, the conflict she's having with this particular client, or because of early symptoms of pregnancy appearing— most likely all three. Yuno eventually takes a pregnancy test and finds out she's pregnant, most likely that specific client's child. He has very literally implanted the embodiment of innocence and childish purity inside of her, and is faced with a choice: to go along with what he wants, to embrace that persona that not only he but others in her life prefer, to repress her colder sides more permanently in order to live the life he wants, one that brings her joy and warmth but also isn't really her, or to go against him, to abort the child and be true to herself, even if that self isn't a version of her is one that makes her life more miserable. She picks the latter.
The means in which she has the abortion aren't fully known, but it's clear that doing so was not only a mentally taxing thing but also a physically painful process. It's likely she either threw herself down some stairs to purposely induce a miscarriage or payed for a shady and most likely unsafe method of abortion. Though the abortion itself is painful, the actual act of removing the fetus and therefore removing that client is potrayed as something freeing for her. In Umbilical we see her fall, only to be saved by the balloon representing her womb, previously filled up and popped, now empty and small as it was to begin with, and she happily floats back to her normal life. In Tear Drop, she actively destroys her comfortable pretty room, as if fighting back against the personas placed on her and enjoying acting out and choosing 'herself'. The abortion was bad, the aftermath was good.
Yuno enters milgram and is again faced with the same problem as before. She tells Es she'll only be happy if her true, colder self is forgiven, but instead she's forgiven under the idea that she's "pure" and "a naive victim" rather than how she perceives herself. She lashes out, forced back into something she just went under alot of pain to be free from, and tells Es exactly who she believes herself to be, again reinstating that she won't feel warmth until her cold self is genuinely accepted. She's once again forgiven, this time her true self has been accepted, but things in milgram become much worse as the other prisoners' lives end. Mahiru's death, in particular, cuts Yuno deep. Yuno has once again chosen to prioritise her cold self and true feelings over the feelings of others, and someone who is seen as wholly pure and innocent has died. There is no relief for Yuno like there was with her abortion, Mahiru is someone she genuinely and greatly cared for, and Yuno can only grieve and feel worse than before. If the acceptance of Yuno's true self is also the death of innocence, then Yuno can only hate herself for being selfish in wanting to be fully accepted.
"Gynandromorphs (“gyne” from Greek meaning female, “andro” for male, and “morph” meaning variety) are individual animals that have both genetically male and female tissues and often have observable male and female characteristics. They may be bilateral, appearing to divide down the middle into male and female sides, or they may be mosaic, with patches characteristic of one sex appearing in a body part characteristic of the other sex"
"Fetal gender abnormality can be diagnosed by fetal ultrasound and/or MRI examination, or by finding a discrepancy between the fetal phenotypic and chromosomal sex."
"Prenatal diagnosis and accurate categorization of the DSD is complicated by the ultrasound resolution and radiographer's expertise in detecting accurately the phenotypic and gonadal sex and the fact that determination of the chromosomal sex can only be done by an invasive procedure (chorionic villus sampling (CVS), amniocentesis or cordocentesis), with each procedure carrying its own risk for miscarriage or premature delivery (depending on gestational age at the time of the procedure). Thus, the chromosomal sex is not always readily available. Furthermore, unlike other fetal abnormalities, the most severe abnormality can look normal, though of the opposite sex, and may therefore go undetected; for example, severe masculinization of the female external genitalia, as in 21 hydroxylase deficiency which results in Prader 4, will be indistinguishable from the normal male external genitalia, while severe incomplete masculinization of the male external genitalia, as seen in androgen insensitivity syndrome, will appear like normal female external genitalia"
In conclusion:
(Side note: "DSD" is a controversial term and not one I'd typically use, however it is unfortunately hard to find proper intersex studies that use appropriate language)
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