The Doors of Perception

it's always funny to me when ppl act like it's somehow incestuous for characters who consider each other found family/chosen family/whatever u wanna call the trope to date each other, and it's funny for many reasons, but most specifically it's funny because irl when you meet a person and get really attached and decide that you want to be family with them, there's a very popular legally recognized way of doing that & it's called marriage

Marriage promotes incest because then you end up having sex with a family member

having anti role models is a beautiful thing. it's not easy to live up to someone else's behavior but it is easy to lasso yourself into behaving right when you realize you're reminding yourself of the worst person youve ever met in your entire life

*at a family gathering* you’re all like coworkers to me

the best way i can think to describe the experience of reading moby dick is you’re in line at the dmv and this guy behind you very loudly says “well who HASN’T had a gay experience” and then proceeds to tell you every detail about his life in between anecdotes about how great sperm is and how ropes work and sometimes he’ll say the most poetic shit you’ve ever heard in your life and them jump RIGHT back into explaining how a whale is a fish because 1) it swims in water and you’re still only like halfway through the dmv line

Many different species of lethal embarrassment in the world, but none quite so lethal as convincing a friend to sit down and watch a movie/show which changed your life when you first saw it only to realize with dawning horror that it's mid at best.

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

wanna hang out [remembers it's rude to put expectations on people] it's cool if not [remembers people like to know they're wanted] but I'd really like it if you did [remembers selfishness is bad] we can do whatever you want though [remembers that handing someone a blank canvas isn't as effective as providing a suggestion to bounce ideas off of] like sucking each others fingers for example

"He tried to run over an ICE agent" or any cop really, is just never ever true. It's always the cop putting themselves in front of a car so they have an excuse to murder someone.